Books, bonnets & full-frontal blogging

INTERVIEW: Rebecca Patterson - NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT

2012-02-24T02:35:00.000-08:00

Hello and happy end of the week. For those of you who had half term off, this week might have been a grumpy trudge. No fear! I have something that will brighten your trudge to a merry jaunt. Rebecca Patterson's NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT is a warm and funny tale of two boys' avoidance of bedtime (and may encourage triceratops impressions). Rebecca was kind and lovely enough to let me ask her questions and then to answer them for me, and her INTERVIEW appears below the review.

NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT

Rebecca Patterson

Macmillan Children's Books

5 Jan 2012

Amazon link

It's bedtime.

Brush your teeth, snuggle down, turn out the lights.

Sleep?

Not a chance!

NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT is the story of two boisterous boys who see slippers, pillows and duvets as the start of great adventures - the chance to be a dinosaur or a king, or the setting for THE BIG JUMP. The one thing they aren't going to do is sleep. And that could be a problem, because Mum is tired. And it is A SCHOOL NIGHT.

This book, much like Rebecca Patterson's previous book - THE DEEP END, highlights the way that children view everyday life in a far more interesting and imaginative way than adults do. (Except perhaps adults who make picture books.) In this book we see two boys who each night use the things in their bedroom to embark on crazy adventures - on Tuesdays their silly slippers turn them into dinosaurs, on Thursdays they are King Pillow and Mr Duvet Slug.

I loved the way the days of the week built the comedy, with each night's game being a punchline. And the rhythm varies with each one, so you can't guess what's coming. Such as on Wednesday, when 'the big jump' continues unexpectedly for another four panels as they boys 'jump, and jump, and jump, and jump again!' The lower half of the page shows Mum and Dad downstairs, getting increasingly riled with every jump until they storm up to tell the boys off.

Rebecca Patterson uses the slightest of touches to bring the personalities of the family across immediately. The older brother is the ring leader, with his cheeky grin and messy hair, while his younger brother has an adorably worried expression as he follows the big brother around. Mum gets increasingly wilder-eyed and wilder-haired through the week, and I found it hilarious how Dad (who looks a bit like the younger brother) followed her lead in telling off the boys (playing Mr Duvet Slug to her King Pillow).

Readers will have plenty of fun in recognising all the details from everyday life and following certain objects throug the book. This is also a feature of THE DEEP END, which featured that staple ingredient of a swimming pool - a plaster - on every page. In this book the boys' cuddly toys feature in the background of each adventure (my favourite was the bear in glasses, who looks increasingly distressed as the week goes on). The toys have eerily lifelike expressions - an instance, perhaps, of the undercurrent of spookiness that Rebecca mentions in the interview as being present in THE DEEP END, where a girl imagines that the deep end of the swimming pool leads to an underground tunnel, and the forthcoming THE PIRATE HOUSE, where a boy tries to convince his friends that pirates live in his street.

Rebecca Patterson uses the everyday world to spring off into the world of the imagination. It encourages the reader, like the characters, to see the potential for adventure and stories in familiar things. I loved these books, so without further a to-do, let's hear from their creator!

Have you always wanted to be a children's book illustrator?

Yes, I always took picture books out of Bolton library as a small child and never stopped liking the combination of pictures with words. I also read those old Giles cartoon annuals, the penguin Charles Addams (till it fell apart) and the Searle St Trinians cartoons. I had a copy of the Beano delivered every Tuesday.

I wrote my first story to send out to publishers when I was about 18 and collected rejection slips for assorted submissions throughout my twenties, while I tried to study fashion and do various jobs. As soon as my second child was at school I started the children's book illustration MA at Anglia Ruskin University as a mature student and got work as a result of the course. Hooray! I was getting to the stage where I was going to give it two more years of sending stuff out and then I was going to give up all hope and think about getting a nice sensible job as maybe a vet's receptionist.

And did you plan to make funny books, or did the laughs just happen?

Well, I am silly in my own home (if I'm not shouting) - quite a lot of impersonations and wonky-glasses-wearing goes on. My parents were funny when I was little. And I love funny pictures - I can't quote any Shakespeare but I can bore my children rigid quoting from a Thurber cartoon. I draw things for my family to amuse them, things you couldn't publish, like when my mother got diabetes and I did her a spoof National Heath leaflet called "Die or Beat It!" with cartoons of possible afflictions. Sometimes my daughter and I will have a little drawing session where we make up hybrid animals or disastrous fashion lines. I'm not sure my work is all funny - I think for some small children THE DEEP END and THE PIRATE HOUSE have an undercurrent of spookiness.

Where did you first get the ideas for THE DEEP END and NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT?

Watching my children learn to swim inspired the DEEP END. My children also invented THE BIG JUMP that features in NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT, but it was originally an unpublished story in verse I'd written in my twenties which I re-worked years later.

Do the stories change very much on the way to becoming the final books?

Yes they do! I could not have imagined the power of a good editor and book designer before I got commissioned. When I see the finished book I cannot believe how far it has come from the original dummy, but the key elements are the same.

I loved how you used subtle details to show the very different personalities of the brothers in Not on a School Night. (The older one, or King Pillow, is the leader and his little brother, Mr Duvet follows what he does). How do you create your characters?

I draw a lot of rough versions of the characters and then choose the ones I like best, like an audition! Then I have to re-draw the roughs each time and get the book sorted with my editors, and that could seem a bit tedious, so in my mind I pretend my little drawings are my child actors and each time I re-draw them they have to give me a better performance.

Do you imagine real people when you draw?

I don't really imagine actual people while I draw but when I see the finished book I see that they are all people I know or knew as a child.

What's your favourite part of the making-a-book process?

Starting a new book that hasn't been and may never be commissioned. Just drawing through the book with my radio on is nice and seeing the first proofs of the book is always exciting. I have just started reading them to school groups, then the book seems real because real, live children are there listening and looking.

Who are your faviourite illustrators?

Hilary Knight who did the Eloise books and Tomi Ungerer, Dr Seuss, Ludwig Bemelmanns and Edward Ardizzone. And although he is everywhere I do like Dick Bruna, I like that flat look!

If you could be any character from a book, who would you be?

I would be Francis that little badger in the books by Russell Hoban. She has a lovely life and gets the best packed lunch I have ever heard about. I have named my pug dog after her little sister, Gloria.

*Images from NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT and THE DEEP END copyright Rebecca Patterson 2012 and and published by Macmillan Publishers*

REVIEW: Kiss Date Love Hate by Luisa Plaja

2012-02-14T03:08:00.000-08:00

KISS DATE LOVE HATE by Luisa Plaja

Random House Children's Books

2 Feb 2012

Amazon link

Everything's got a bit 'It's Complicated' with Lex and her friends. Tangled relationships, unrequited love and a bit of boyfriend stealing on the part of Lex's friend Gemma have left Lex feeling like her friendship group is in a bit of a mess. Then her friend George shows her a Sims-like computer game that lets you create character profiles and alter their settings so you can choose which couples end up together. The next day they find their changes are coming true in real life...

Will Lex and George use their new power to get what they want? George could finally get workaholic Jess to notice him, and Lex could win back her ex, Matt, from evil Gemma (and get longer hair and bigger boobs at the same time). But as the game takes hold, Lex is getting distracted by bad boy Drew and both of them begin to realise that playing games with their friends' lives could lead to a lot of trouble...

Romantic comedy + cool sci-fi idea + a touch of seriousness to make you think = about a million thumbs up from me. I thought this would be perfect for a Valentine's Day post as it is heartwarming and makes you dream in a lovely way about love - but in a completely believable way. Yes, there's a touch of magic, but when the Midsummer Night's Dream wears off, it's real feelings and relationships that have been important all along.

It is quite an appropriate day to declare that I LOVE THIS BOOK. And here are 5 reasons why:

1. Lex

Luisa Plaja has again shown her talent for inhabiting the minds of teenagers, creating characters that are far from perfect, always discovering and learning more about themselves, and who are lots of fun to read about. And who I wish were my actual friends. I loved that Lex had an attitude, made it difficult for people to get close to her and wasn't honest with herself. It made her, and her developing relationship with Drew, seem utterly real. I really like it when you have a narrator that you don't always agree with and who you are sometimes willing to do things differently - it means you get really involved with the story and care about how things turn out. And because reading about popular, perfect characters makes me ever so slightly want to VOMIT.

2. Lex's friends. In fact, all of the other characters

It is always a good sign when you think back on a book and most of your thoughts are like this: I LOVED George. He was so nice and geeky and I loved his LOTR obsession and... Oh my god I LOVED crazy best friends Lia and Tia. They were hilar... Oh and the teachers were brilliant. So funny AARRH I LOVED Drew!

So most of my thoughts were taken up with character appreciation and daydreaming about them being my actual friends. I just like it when books are full of hilarious and occasionally tragic and very familiar faces.

3. The game

I mostly just thought: how cool. I want to play. I also thought that when I was 15 ultimate control over everyone's love lives would have been nice. The game introduces a bit of sci-fi magic into the story, but doesn't take away from the realism. It reminded me a bit of Cecilia Aherne's THE BOOK OF TOMORROW, where a girl finds a diary that always shows her the entry for the next day. A touch of mysterious magic that in fact tells you more about the 'real' side of the story.

There are moments when Jess and George are wondering if other characters are interested in them for real, or just because of the game - a dilemma that was going on before the game came along anyway. Lex isn't sure how Matt really felt about her, when he moved on so quickly to her friend Gemma. Real life is full of uncertainty about whether people are showing their real feelings, saying things because they should or just playing games. The magic computer game just puts all this into focus.

4. Serious bits

I don't want to spoil the story for yet-to-be-readers, so I won't say much. But Lex feels like she's different and in a totally realistic way she glosses over and deflects you away from the reason why. There is an important message at the heart of this book about accepting who you are and about finding the people who love you because of who you are. Emotional stuff.

5. KISS(ing), DATE(ing) and LOVE(ing)

I loved how all of Lex's friendship group had been out with each other (including 'pretend going out' in year 8). The tangledness and multiple fancying of people is completely true to life, and really emphasises the 'true love' relationships when they do come along. And when they do come along they are oh-so-good. A couple of the couples in this book would make my all-time-fave couples list, but as River Song would say, 'Spoilers'. So I will leave you with five of the very best'uns and the instruction to READ THIS BOOK if you haven't already.

1. Lizzy and Darcy (from PRIDE AND PREJUDICE by Jane Austen)

Obv

2. Georgia and Dave the Laugh (from the GEORGIA NICOLSON books by Louise Rennison)

I spent my teenage years dreaming of laughing away on a fast camel with Dave. (By the way the pic is a cosmic horn. And a girl wearing a beard.)

3. Will and Lyra (from HIS DARK MATERIALS by Philip Pullman)

Damn you Pullman, you broke my heart. And possibly made me spend a few hours sitting on a bench imagining for my soulmate from another world is waiting for me.

4. Eric and Merle (from MIDWINTERBLOOD by Marcus Sedgwick)

This book is about love. And a bit of blood and Vikings. But mostly love.

5. Tim and Daisy (from SPACED by Simon Pegg and Jessica Hynes)

I know it's a TV show not a book SHHHH

REVIEW: Beat the Band by Don Calame

2012-02-10T09:09:00.000-08:00

Beat the Band by Don Calame
Templar Books
1 Feb 2012
978-1848770577

Last summer Coop, Sean and Matt embarked on a daring quest to see a real, live naked girl. Now term has begun and Coop Redmond has a new mission: tag as many bases as possible. But his girl-shaped ambitions are severely threatened when he is paired with the infamous Hot Dog Helen for a class presentation. On contraception.

Coop’s plan for saving his reputation is simple – win Battle of the Bands, because no one gets more girls than a rock god. But there are a few barriers to the rock-god-girl-fest: 1. Their band is rubbish. 2. He’s getting a bit distracted by a certain presentation partner…

This is the histerious (that's Coop speak for 'when something's so freaking funny it nearly gives you aneurysm') sequel to last year’s massively funny Swim the Fly. You can read my review of the first one here, but the basic premise was three boys’ summer mission to see a real, live naked girl. So the Inbetweeners meets American Pie meets a very good book.

The first book was narrated by Matt. While he was fully behind the idea of naked-girl-seeing, you could tell that underneath it all he was actually quite sweet and just wanted a girlfriend. In this book narrating duties have been taken over by Coop, and he’s a bit different. If Matt is the Inbetweener Simon or American Pie Jim of the group, then Coop is the Jay or the Stifler He’s obnoxious, funny and generally regarded as a bit of a nob. And at the beginning, this is exactly what you get. Coop is on a one-track mission to get as far as he can with Prudence (or anyone equally hot) and his main concern when paired with Helen is that it will ruin his chances.

But with Coop as the narrator you get to know him in a way you didn’t in the first book. As he gradually realises that he actually gets on with Helen you get to see his nice guy side (just don’t tell him you’ve seen it).

Don Calame is great at building to big laugh out loud scenes and hitting you with a punchline moment. You can see and hear the scenes in your head as if you were watching a film (perhaps because Calame used to be a screen writer). I think the funny moments in this book were even funnier than in the last book (my favourite one involves Coop’s dad and a beer bottle) and no doubt this was helped by Coop’s own particular brand of humour. He sees potential for comedy in everything and thinks asking a man in a golf shop about his balls is the funniest thing ever (which it is).

There is also a great deal of comedy gold among the supporting characters. Coop’s dad in particular is hilarious, but also a bit tragic. He is out of work and enthusiastically helps manage the band, getting back in touch with his rock star youth. And dressing up.

The third book – Call the Shots – is going to be written from Sean’s point of view, and I can’t wait. Sean is the geeky one, the butt of all the jokes and the one who never manages to say the right thing. Calame has shown he can recreate the same world and the same humour with a completely different narrator and it will be great to get into Sean's head in the same way that you get into Coop's in this book.

So Don Calame has done it again and written a hilarious story with a heart (plus some other body parts). I loved this book. In my pants. (That's a reference you will understand if you've read the book. If not, well... this is awkward).

TILLY & BILLIE'S PICTUREBOOK CORNER: Super-Duper Dudley and Cuddle Bear

2012-02-08T22:18:00.000-08:00

Tilly and Billy’s Picture Book Corner: Super-Duper Dudley by Sue Mongredien and Caroline Pedler and Cuddle Bear by Claire Freedman and Gavin Scott

Now I haven't reviewed many picture books on here, because as far as I know I don’t have any children, only kittens. Kittens whose response to being read to is to violently chew the edge of the book.

But as so many picture books are rather GREAT, what I thought I’d do is have a go at reviewing them and then pass them onto children (and update the reviews with any new thoughts from that).

I was very kindly sent two new picture books from Little Tiger Press.

Super-Duper Dudley – Sue Mongredien (author) and Caroline Pedler (illustrator)

and

Cuddle Bear – Claire Freedman (author) and Gavin Scott (illustrator)

Super-Duper Dudley – Sue Mongredien (author) and Caroline Pedler (illustrator)

Little Tiger Press

1 Jan 2012

978-1848953109

Super-Duper Dudley is a book all about Dudley – and that’s how he would like it. Dudley is a show-off (and also a dog) who is always performing for his friends – he rides his bike with no handlebars, he …, and he laps up all the praise – especially from his friend Bonzo. But then it turns out Bonzo has a talent and everyone is watching him for a change. Dudley needs to pull off the performance of a megastar – or should he just learn to share the spotlight?

This book is full of character and is a lovely take on the familiar idea of showing off. Readers may know a few Dudleys in real life and will enjoy recognising the behaviour. It manages to get across the message that Dudley should stand back and let others have a go from time to time without being preachy. And while I may have sided with the underdog, Bonzo, I enjoyed Dudley’s megastar antics and didn’t find him annoying.

There is a mix of panels and full-page spreads, so that the panels focus on Dudley and build the story to the big performance moments, which are full of energy and colour and different characters for readers to look at. Overall: a big, bold and funny delight!

Cuddle Bear – Claire Freedman (author) and Gavin Scott (illustrator)
Little Tiger Press

1 Jan 2012

978-1848953147

Whether you’re a lonely penguin or a misunderstood lion, everyone needs a visit from Cuddle Bear every now and again. The hug-you-happy bear travels through the pages cheering up animals and spreading cuddle-shaped joy.

Reading this book is like a big hug. It makes you feel heart-warmed and happy and a bit like you want to go round cuddling people (probably best just to stick to people you know).The simple pattern of a sad animal on one page, and then the hug with Cuddle Bear on the next page is delightful and comforting – and mirrored in Claire Freedman’s rhyming text, which reads like a song.

The soft, warm colours in Gavin Scott’s (very cute) illustrations create a happy and relaxing feel – and the book would be a good one to read before bedtime (accompanied by a hug, of course).

Before I pass them on, I thought I would try them out on the kittens. Here is how it went:

Tilly: Er… I’m sorry… DOGS??!!

Billie: The illustrations are nice, though. Warm and pastle-y. And the story is funny.

Tilly: I. Hate. Dogs.

Billie: I liked that the message was light-hearted – it’s okay for Dudley to keep performing as long as he realises that Bonzo is talented too, and lets him share the spotlight.

Tilly: I think the ending should have been that a cat came along and beat everyone up.

Billie: But that―

Tilly: And smashed the piano.

Billie: But then no one could perform!

Tilly: The cat would do a dance. On the bodies of the dogs.

*Tilly arches her back and sways from side to side, spitting*

Billie: That’s not very dancey…

Tilly: What?

Billie: Nothing! I wish the Cuddle Bear would visit.

Tilly: BEARS?!!

Billie: But it’s nice to have a hug. Everyone feels a bit low every now again, like the penguin in the book who’s sitting on his own on the ice. I liked how the first page made you feel a bit sad, and then when the Cuddle Bear came along you felt cheered up – a bit like he’d hugged you!

Tilly: *stares*

Billie: We hugged once. Don’t you remember?

Tilly: I was asleep

Billie: You were purring!

Tilly: Snoring. Don’t hug me again.

Billie: I saw you reading this book – you had a tear in your eye.

Tilly: Um… I was… ANGRY. I thought the book should have been called Cuddle Cat.

Billie: Ooh that sounds lovely

Tilly: I mean Hitting Cat

Billie: It’s good to have some other animals, though – don’t you think?

Tilly: EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A CAT

Billie: I love that song!

Tilly: *slap*

COMPETITION: A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness (calling all Lizes...)

2012-02-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

I've accidentally ended up with two signed copies of A MONSTER CALLS made out 'to Liz'.

Now I have already detailed the problems I encounter when meeting authors here (including my embarrassing moment with Patrick Ness) so this should come as no surprise.

Already the owner of a signed A MONSTER CALLS, when I went to the launch of the paperback I fully intended to get a signed copy to give away on the blog. Unfortunately I got overexcited at Patrick Ness asking what my name was and now both books are signed to me.

So... CALLING ALL LIZES!

If you would like to WIN the signed book, then just post a comment below or send me an email at lizbankes@gmail.com.

If your name is already Liz then hurrah! But if you are willing to have it as a nickname then that is fine too.

I would certainly recommend owning a copy of this book. It is a beautiful object, illustrated throughout with Jim Kay's haunting black and white drawings, and the story is utterly incredible and heartbreaking. I would warn whichever Liz that wins the book that they are in for a sob.

The monster showed up after midnight. As they do.

But it isn't the monster that Conor's been expecting. He's been expecting the one from his nightmare, the one he's had nearly every night since his mother started her treatments, the one with the darkness and the wind and the screaming...

This monster is something different, though. Something ancient, something wild. And it wants the most dangerous thing of all from Conor.

It wants the truth.

DIARY OF A RAMBLING BOOK MORON

2012-02-04T13:53:00.000-08:00

I have a problem.

When I meet AUTHORS I lose the ability to be a normal, proper 'person'.

I want nothing more than to be able to approach them and say

'Oh hi Quentin/Jacqueline/Philip/Patrick/Louise. I just wanted to say that I thing what you do is wonderful and important. It makes me want to be a writer. By the way...' (then introduce a topic of conversation and speak about it coherently and wittily with the result that we become best friends)

But no. I see these people and, with a sad inevitability, this happens:

I lurk. And stare.
I lurk and stare a bit closer. Probably just on the edge of the group surrounding the author. Before it was possible to ignore me, but now I'm firmly in their eyeline like a silent, angry creep. So the author feels they should say something polite to acknowledge me, like 'er hello' or 'are you a writer?' or 'are you okay? you're not blinking...'
I bark. I usually manage about two words. THANK YOU or WELL DONE or I'M LIZ.
I leave, quickly.

To add embarrassment to embarrassment, I also look quite a bit younger than I am, which can cause confusion when approaching children's authors. I can imagine their thought process:

Ah, a child. A legitimate fan of my books.

then

Someone's given her a glass of wine... Is that allowed? Maybe it's ribena in a wine glass to make her feel grown up.

then

She's talking about 'going to work'. They don't send them up chimneys any more do they? I'm pretty sure child labour is illegal.

then

Ohh she's a 25 year old with a child's face! That makes a lot more sense. She should probably have learnt to function socially by now though...

So I thought I would share with you my tales of author-stalking shame.

Here are some of the very worst:

1. Quentin Blake

I queued up to get my copy of THE WITCHES signed. Did plenty of staring on the way. Most people were striking up conversation when they got to him - asking about illustration techniques and relevant things like that. I am sure I had a question in mind, but when I got there...

I said nothing. Not a word. I watched him sign my book in silence (while staring and smiling, a facial expression that makes you look a bit like a psychopath).

Then when I went to say 'thank you' I did that thing when you speak but no sound comes out. So my thank you came out as a menacing whisper. He may have thought I'd been sent to kill him.

2. Jacqueline Wilson

I saw Jacqueline Wilson talk at the Hay Festival. I got a raffle ticket which meant I could get a signed book and so I thought I'd get one to send to an Armadillo Magazine competition winner.

(I mentioned this loudly in the queue because, as I've said, I am often mistaken for a child, and all of the thirteen-year-old girls in the queue were taller than me. There is nothing wrong with being a thirteen-year-old girl, but there is something quite wrong in masquerading as one and getting a signed Jacqueline Wilson book.)

Making it clear I was an adult also meant having a 'serious face', so I couldn't show the fact that I was VERY VERY excited. My turn came and I finally had the chance to speak to a childhood hero. In fact, I coined a new word.

THANKYOUITWASBYE

3. Philip Pullman

Philip Pullman was at a children's literature conference, enjoying a glass of wine and talking to people he actually knew. Without the structure of a book signing, I had to rely on my own 'social skills'.

I became Bridget Jones. Having stood on the edge of the group for a while, I laughed loudly. And they turned and looked at me.

'Have you read the book?' said theactualPhilipPullman in a friendly tone.

'...YES'

To this day I do not know which book they were talking about. This was painfully and tragically obvious to all present. I said my favourite bit of it was 'the characters'. I stood for a while, smiling and nodding in all the wrong places, before backing away to go and find a corner to cry in.

4. Patrick Ness

This one is short and sweet, as I pretty much embarrassed myself the instant I met Patrick Ness. I arrived quite early to the launch of A MONSTER CALLS. I went tentatively into the room, and a tall friendly-looking man came over and said 'Are you okay?'

'Yes... I've come for the Patrick Ness - A Monster Calls launch?'

'Well you're in the right place. I'm Patrick Ness!'

Oh crap. Maybe next time look up what the author looks like. Better say something intelligent.

'WELL DONE'

Then I said 'I'll get a drink!' and ran away. So instead of telling him how much I loved the Chaos Walking books, or congratulating him on the new book, I congratulated him on being himself and walked off.

5. Jacqueline Wilson AGAIN

Yes, I have terrorised Dame Jacqui TWICE. This time I spied her near a table of food. I sidled up to her.

(Do you sidle? When I do it I look a bit like a bobbing crab. I think it comes from feeling awkward about approaching someone. I don't know why I think it will be any less awkward if I dance.)

'ThankyouSOmuchforallyourbooksIreadthemwhenIwasgrowingupmyfavouritewas...'

Someone else is talking to her. I have to trail off and pretend to be very interested in a bowl of fruit. Also, it would be a good idea to breathe.

I then asked her about writing tips for Armadillo Magazine, and asked for her literary crush for this blog (you'll find out who it is soooon!). But all the while we were both aware that I had begun the conversation as a crazed fan. I sidled away.

6. Louise Rennison

I have already mentioned this painful experience on this blog, but as it is the most embarrassing one and concerns my favourite author, it needs including.

I was going to see her at the Oxford Literary festival and I was late. I ran from the station like a mad thing past all the old, posh-looking buildings and people. When I arrived wheezing in the festival tent I had sweated into my own eyes and so was having trouble seeing. I ran straight into...

Louise Rennison. She said 'Hello!'

Oh. my. god. She said hello to me. It can be like my dream where we become best friends and laugh together over wine.

'Hi!' I say, in a voice of pure delight.

She was talking to the person behind me.

On that note of pain, I'll leave you. Have you ever embarrassed yourself in front of your favourite author? Or any famous person for that matter? Do tell me about it - it might make me feel better.

INTERVIEW & GIVEAWAY: Saving Daisy by Phil Earle

2012-02-04T11:36:00.000-08:00

SAVING DAISY by Phil Earle

Click to jump to the interview with Phil Earle and click here to win a copy of the book.

Publisher: Puffin
Publication details: 05.01.2012, £6.99 PB

Daisy's mum is gone.
He dad refuses to talk about it.
As far as Daisy's concerned, it's all her fault.
As her life starts to spiral out of control, panic leads to tragedy and Daisy's left alone.

But sometimes the kindness of a stranger can turn things around. A stranger who desperately wants to save Daisy. If only she'll let herself be saved...

SAVING DAISY is the follow up to Phil Earle's astounding first novel BEING BILLY. But it is actually more of a prequel. Billy's spiky and fragile best friend Daisy gets to tell her story.

You can find out a bit more about the book from my review here, but just know that this book packs an emotional punch. It explores a mental breakdown and the gradual process of recovery in a raw and honest way, with characters who seem like they've stepped from real life and into the pages.

INTERVIEW

Phil was lovely enough to answer my questions about the book and about writing amazing things in general. (And have a look at the bottom of the page, where you can find out how to win a copy of SAVING DAISY!)

When you were writing Being Billy did you know you would tell Daisy’s story too?

Not really. The first time I thought about writing Daisy’s story was when my agent told me I needed an idea for a second book. I went into a blind panic, and Daisy was the first person I thought about. She really interested me as she’s spiky and heroic, but also obviously damaged. I was desperate to give her the backstory she deserved.

Was it difficult to go from writing Daisy in the third person to telling the story as Daisy?

It was certainly taking up a lot of headspace at first, more out of fear, as there’s nothing worse than reading a first person narrative when you don’t believe in the ‘voice’ you’re hearing. I got over that in the end, but the fact that I’ve never been a fourteen year old girl did worry me for a while! My wife told me it shouldn’t be a stretch at all, as did my friends…they’re so supportive.

Do you map out your characters first or do you write and see where they take you?

I’ve learnt quickly that tons of preparation doesn’t work for me, if anything it stops me writing. I tend to scribble out a two page synopsis then never look at it again. I love just going with it. When I started writing Daisy, I had no characters formed in my mind apart from her and her dad. It’s really exciting to find other characters invading the story!

It’s certainly an emotional read – did you find it emotionally draining to write the book?

If I found it draining, it was more to do with how long the first draft took, rather than the themes affecting me. I wrote the first pass of ‘Being Billy’ in four months, so it flowed quickly out of my heads. With ‘Daisy’, my wife was pregnant and we were moving house, so I failed to write as often. It was a real lesson learnt. Write frequently and it’s a much happier experience.

You’ve worked with young people like Billy and like Daisy. Was it this experience that made you want to write YA fiction?

In part, yes. But the experience that focused me on children’s fiction was working in a bookshop and discovering the YA genre. I completely fell in love with it and devoured every book I could lay my hands on. From that moment I knew I wanted to give YA a stab myself.

Are Billy and Daisy based on real people?

Billy drew inspiration from many young people I’d worked with, but not one specific child. I’m always really careful not to present real people as characters. I’d hate them to find the book and discover I’d ripped off their lives. Daisy, believe it or not, is actually based on me. I suffered a lot from anxiety and depression in my twenties, and although I hadn’t planned it to be, the book became about my fight with mental health issues.

Did you talk to young people working through mental issues as research for this book?

I didn’t, no. I’d worked with young people who had self-harmed and observed what they went through. Writing about it was my way of trying to make sense of what drives someone to purposely hurt themselves. There are scenes in the book, where Daisy suffers from terrible muscle spasms due to the drugs she’s prescribed, that actually happened to me. This first-hand experience feels like the best research imaginable.

Do you hope that your books will encourage people to talk about mental health and see it as less of a taboo?

I understand that depression isn’t an easy thing to own up as it’s often seen as a sign of weakness. It takes real bravery to stand up and say I need help, it really does. The important message is that it isn’t your fault, and that help is out there. Silence really is a killer and no-one should suffer alone. The other thing I’ve learnt is that whilst depression is a terrible thing to endure, it doesn’t have to define you or your life. Without my depression, I wouldn’t have ever started writing. My depression led me here, to a much happier place.

Which writers have inspired you to write?

So many! SE Hinton, David Almond, Kevin Brooks, Siobhan Dowd, Keith Gray, Markus Zusak, David Klass, Morris Gleitzman, Melvin Burgess. The list could go on forever.

Which books have you enjoyed recently?

I’ve just finished and enjoyed Dave Cousins 15 DAYS WITHOUT A HEAD and am currently reading BLACK HEART BLUE by Louisa Reid, which is brilliantly written. I’m also going back to my first love, graphic novels, and re-reading DAREDEVIL. Brilliant stuff!

What are your tips for young writers?

Find what works for you and stick to it. The best thing about writing is that there are no rules. I would recommend reading as much as possible, it definitely worked for me.

If you could be any book character who would you be?

Flat Stanley, without a doubt. He never let being an inch thick get in the way of having brilliant adventures. The boy is a legend.

GIVEAWAY

I have a copy of SAVING DAISY which I will post to one lucky person! Just comment below or send me an email (lizbankes@gmail.com)

A powerful and moving story linked to Phil’s critically acclaimed debut book, Being Billy. Watch the brilliant trailer here:

REVIEW: Someone Else's Life by Katie Dale

2012-02-01T01:48:00.000-08:00

When Rosie’s mum Trudie dies of Huntington’s Disease, Rosie has to make the decision whether or not to find out if she too carries the gene. But then her mum’s friend Sarah makes a shocking confession – Rosie was swapped at birth. Trudie wasn’t her biological mum. Rosie is free, but at the same time completely lost. She goes travelling with her ex-boyfriend and sets out to find out where she came from in a journey that will change a whole family’s lives forever.

I recently heard Michelle Paver say that characters are the ‘beating heart’ of the story, and that is certainly true of this book. I completely believed in the characters – they are flawed, funny and familiar, and as they go through what is at times a very painful journey, you really care about them.

Someone Else’s Life is a gripping, emotional human drama (perhaps to be read at home to avoid public weeping). You immediately sympathise with Rosie as a narrator, and are drawn into her everyday life. Her description of her relationship with her boyfriend Andy, before her mum’s illness caused her to hide away from him, seems as real as though they were people I went to school with. Similarly the American characters’ lives are familiar (Rosie and Andy travel to the US as Katie thinks she’ll find her biological mum in LA) but a bit distant – a bit like when you watched American high school dramas their lives are concerned with the same things as yours was at school, but the details are different. I really liked how Katie Dale used subtle changes in the language to convey the English and American settings, and also so that you could immediately hear the characters’ accents in your head.

I think because the world created is so familiar and believable, you are really drawn in to the story. The raw emotion is built up gradually and feels real – and so the book is upsetting at times. This is compounded by the exploration of Huntington’s Disease and what it does do people’s lives, which is shown in unflinching detail. But there is also hope running throughout – the characters can make mistakes and still be okay, and the things they go through will change their lives, but won’t define who they are.

Looking at the reviews on Goodreads, lots of readers are saying that before reading this book they didn’t have much of an idea about what Huntington’s is, or the impact it has on people’s families. So as well as being a beautifully written story, the book is doing something immensely important in drawing people’s attention to a disease that affects more than 6,700 families in the UK. The book describes the genetic counselling, where people decide whether to take the test and find out whether or not they will develop the disease in later life. It makes you really think about what you would do.

So overall, Someone Else’s Life makes you think, makes you sad and makes you feel uplifted – so that’s some very powerful writing. And also - the plot twists are fantastic. I thought I knew what was going to happen, and was feeling all smug and clever, and I was completely wrong! Many thumbs up.

http://katiedaleuk.blogspot.com/
www.hda.org.uk

LEGENDS OF LITERATURE: Melvin Burgess and David Almond

2012-01-30T09:42:00.000-08:00

Hello and Good Monday. Now this is a something I wrote last year and it hasn't yet found a home, so am posting here because I felt the urge to let you know about two books I FLIPPIN' LOVED from the end of 2011.

They be this:

And they be this:

At first it would seem that David Almond and Melvin Burgess make a rather odd couple.

No, I'm not attempting a bit of unlikely literary matchmaking. (In case you are interested, if I was attempting literary matchmaking the result would be a special version of Dinner Date in which Patrick Ness makes a speech to me about libraries, then Marcus Sedgwick tells me a ghost story and then Philip Pullman tells me anything. Absolutely anything. Because EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS RIGHT.)

But this was a real event, not an ITV programme in my head. This was Puffin Live: Legends of Literature and it brought together Melvin Burgess and David Almond in conversation about their books (Kill All Enemies and The True Tale of the Monster Billy Dean respectively) and about stories in general. As I said, you might at first think that they are very different – one a creator of strange, lyrical worlds and the other a controversial writer of gritty realism. But the event showed that these two (most definitely legendary) writers had plenty in common as they spoke about the power of storytelling.

Kill All Enemies began with Melvin Burgess interviewing young people who had been excluded from school. They were people who would be judged as being ‘a bad lot’, he said, but hearing their stories made him realise they were heroes. The story is told by four characters – Billie, a violent ‘psycho’ rejected by her mum, Chris, who exasperates his parents with his decision not to do anything, Rob, a big metal fan with an abusive stepdad, and Hannah, a social worker who connects with all of them in some way. Although the story takes them off-piste, as Melvin described it, the characters are all real people and it was both heartbreaking and uplifting in equal measure hearing him talk about their stories. Describing Billie’s background, bringing up her siblings while her mum was drinking and then being rejected when her mum was well enough to take them back, Melvin said ‘it is no wonder she went round punching the world in the face’. He read a passage from the point of view of Chris, whose wit and intelligence sparkles on the page and who certainly wins over the reader in his crusade not to do anything his parents want him to.

The True Tale of the Monster Billy Dean by Almond is also a story of growing up. Billy Dean is brought up in secret, as he is the result of an unholy union between a priest and his hairdresser. At the age of thirteen Billy is brought outside – into a town that has been devastated by war. He becomes a symbol of hope to the survivors of the town, and he even seems to be able to communicate with the dead. Through the book Billy learns to understand this world and eventually learns to write his own story. David read a passage where Billy attaches the wings of a sparrow to a mouse, creating a ‘mowsbird’ – a symbol of the beauty that only Billy seems to see in the fallen world around him.

Claire Armitstead, chairing the event, suggested that what draws these books together is that they are both about finding a voice. Through the course of Billy Dean Billy learns to write. The book is written phonetically, which looks at first almost like another language, but it captures the way Billy is finding the words he needs to tell his story. Melvin Burgess’s book has given a voice to young people marginalised by the societies they live in. His characters are learning to make sense of the world around them – and to say how they feel about it and what they want from it.

Another parallel Claire drew was both books’ use of emblematic images or objects that sum up characters. Rob in Kill All Enemies has a Metallica t-shirt that gets him beaten up, but he is determined to keep wearing it because his mum bought it. In Billy Dean there are religious icons (David Almond said that angels seem to keep appearing in his work, and that he’s given up trying to stop them), but strange or broken ones, like the mowsbird or the statue of Jesus that Billy finds in pieces in the rubble and rebuilds. These seem to show a town trying to put itself back together when its faith has been destroyed.

Finally, they talked about hope. Both stories have an optimistic feel and there is hope in the way the young protagonists take on their worlds. David Almond said that people often tell him to ‘be realistic’ and by this they often mean ‘be miserable’, while he shows in Billy Dean that it is possible to find beauty in the most miserable circumstances. Billy comes out into the world with no received opinions and takes things as they are – even his phonetic language shows this clear-sightedness – words stripped down to their essentials. Melvin Burgess’s young characters show themselves capable of greatness in the face of adults who don’t give them a chance. The book suggests that it is possible for them to turn things around and be happy – a very hopeful message indeed.

It was certainly a fascinating conversation - the sort that has you very much in awe of these genius writery types and causes you to forget to do 'proper person' things like write things down or close your mouth.

Thanks to Melvin, David and Puffin: for an evening that was as brilliant as the books being talked about.

BLOG TOUR: Opal Moonbaby

2012-01-22T23:31:00.000-08:00

Opal Moonbaby by Maudie Smith

Martha's decided friends are stupid. Especially if they're anything like Colette and Chloe.

She never wants another friend.

Ever.

But it's the first day of the summer holidays, and there's not that much to do... until she spots a strange little furry creature who leads her to Opal Moonbaby. Opal's been sent down from her planet on a mission: to work out what on earth people are (and my goodness - people are strange) and to make a friend.

Happy Monday! No, really. It will be when you make friends with Opal Moonbaby. Opal is strange, fun and zooming brilliant. And she's an alien and has a small furry pet with wings. See here for my review and some thoughts on best friends in books.

Today Opal's creator and good friend Maudie Smith has dropped in on the Opal Moonbaby blog tour and is going to share her Top Ten Reads for Growing Children. Get ready to get nostalgic, meet a new book or get book-gift ideas for kids you know!

My top ten books for growing children

Maudie Smith

There's a lot more than ten top books, you know, but this will have to do for a start.

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE by Maurice Sendak

The picture book with something for everyone, however old you may be - in years or at heart.

DOGGER by Shirley Hughes

Satisfying picture book story of everyday things. Deceptively simple.

THE KING OF CAPRI by Jeanette Winterson

Gorgeous writing that whirls around the pages with the wind.

CLEVER POLLY AND THE STUPID WOLF by Catherine Storr

Great conversations and just scary enough.

FIVE CHILDREN AND IT by E Nesbit

Double bubble - Victorians and psammeads. Read it before you see the film.

THE BFG by Roald Dahl

For the best fantasy friendship with a human bean. BFG and Sophie forever.

THE LITTLE PRINCESS by Frances Hodgson Burnett

Characters against cruelty!

JOURNEY TO THE RIVER SEA by Eva Ibbotson

For an enthralling 'girl's own' adventure with boys thrown in.

THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE, by C S Lewis

For lampposts, snow, beavers, Mr Tumnus, lions, witches and er...wardrobes.

THE HOBBIT by J R Tolkein

Classic high fantasy quest with an unlikely and loveable hero. Go Bilbo!

PRIVATE PEACEFUL by Michael Morpurgo

The most perfect Morpurgo. WW1. Bring tissues.

All right, there are eleven here, I know. But ten just isn't enough!

REVIEW: Don't Call Me Ishmael by Michael Gerard Bauer

2012-01-22T01:28:00.000-08:00

I had a WHALE of a time reading this book...

Get it? It's a reference to Moby Dick! Like in the title of this book! Oh, I see - you got it, you just didn't laugh.

Well, that was embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as Ishmael's life. He is the world's only know sufferer of Ishmael Leseur's Syndrome, of which the main symptom is a life filled with embarrassing incidents.

Starting at a new school, Ishmael has enough humiliation on his plate with a bully who's after him, a girl he's secretly in love with, and a crippling fear of public speaking. Then he's asked to look after the new kid - James Scobie, who looks like a bit of a weirdo. it hardly seems fair. But James Scobie isn't what he appears. He is a boy who doesn't feel fear, and he's about to teach Ishmael about confronting Ishmael Leseur's Syndrome head on.

I did actually have a whale of a time reading this book. Ishmael is a loveable lead and his narration goes off on tangents and into other stories in a very entertaining, Tristram Shandy-like way.

(For anyone who doesn't know, The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy is a book written in 1759 by Laurence Sterne - who strikes quite a pose, as you can see...

Tristram narrates the story of his life and goes off on so many tangents that by half-way through the book he's only just been born.)

Ishmael doesn't take half the book, but he has a similar style, and when he does get to his birth story it is very very funny.

The characters in this book really stand out. Orazio Zorzetto, who looks at the world and sees only hot girls; Bill, who spends most of his time in another world (probably Middle Earth); Miss Tarango, the English teacher who has a unique way of dealing with bullies and is also drop dead beautiful, and James Scobie, strange and fearless, who changes everything.

Bauer brings his characters together in a rawkous comedy, with an current of sadness running underneath. The book teaches you to embrace embarrassment and laugh at life rather than fearing it - because big, nasty things do sometimes lurk under the surface (the whale in the room?) and so you shouldn't sweat the small stuff.

Quirky, funny and lovely.

Book info:

Don't Call Me Ishmael by Michael Gerard Bauer

Templar Books

Published 01/01/12

978-1848776838

Love Reading for Kids link

REVIEW (and some friendly thoughts): Opal Moonbaby by Maudie Smith

2012-01-21T10:14:00.000-08:00

Now I don't know about you, but I'm not a huge fan of 'January'. Christmas, or EATING DAY, is over and everyone is talking about not eating instead. To me diets do not sound fun (apparently they don't allow cheese binges and eating my emergency mid-morning Twiglets at 9:10 is not acceptable). I also am too lazy to try running from one place to another so I just sit around vaguely thinking I should do something and counting down the days till I am taken to the Fat Home.

It's also cold. And rainy. This week I walked to work in the rain and arrived looking like I'd simultaneously fallen into a puddle, wet myself and started crying. I sat at my desk shivering and wondering if anyone would notice if I dried myself on the tea towel...

I severely needed a bit of heart warming. So this was a great week to read Opal Moonbaby by Maudie Smith. This is a book about friendship that warms you from your heart to your feet and makes 'January' feel like a day at the beach. The Opal Moonbaby Blog Tour: About Zooming Time is well underway and has already stopped at many zooming amazing blogs, such as Chicklish, Girls Heart Books and Book Angel Booktopia.

Opal Moonbaby

Maudie Smith

Orion Children's Books

5 Jan 2012

978-1444004786

Love Reading for Kids link

Martha doesn't want a best friend. After what happened with Chloe and Collette and The Secret Circle, she knows that friends just bring trouble and make you sad. She's better off on her own. But then, with the summer holidays stretching ahead of them, Martha and her little brother Robbie meet Opal Moonbaby. With her crazy hair, long spindly legs and purple eyes, Opal looks a bit weird. She also speaks a bit weird and just generally is a bit weird. And she has a pet mingle (a small furry creature with wings) called Garnet. This weirdness could, in part, be down to the fact that she is an alien from a planet called Carnelia and is on a mission to Earth to find about friendship. Martha and Robbie spend the holidays trying to initiate Opal into the mysteries of Earth-life, such as shopping in a supermarket, with hilarious consequences. But while Martha is happy to help Opal, she does not want to be her friend. Because friends just bring trouble, don't they?

This is a warm and funny tale of friendship - but with moments of real sadness as you realise just how upsetting 'being left out' can be. Although she would never admit it to anyone, Martha is devastated at her best friend Chloe going off with new girl Collette and suddenly deciding that all the games they used to play are babyish.

The way she shuts herself off from Opal, unlike her more carefree little brother who declares himself Opal's friend from the beginning, makes you really feel for Martha. But Opal is impossible not to like. She is excited by everything she sees and goes around merrily causing chaos. Trips to the end of the road and the supermarket become adventures and readers will enjoy her encounters with all the familiar things, like carrots and 'paying for things', that Opal finds baffling.

My favourite thing about Opal is the way she speaks. In preparation for Earth she has had a dictionary programmed into her brain. This means she can speak English but she gets all the of the sayings and figures of speech wrong - 'like taking brandy from a baby ' being my favourite. Readers will love Opal's mistakes, and Martha wearily correcting her, and they might start to think they prefer Opal's take on language.

Feeling in a happy, fuzzy, friendshippy mood after reading this book, I thought I'd pick some of my best book friends. Admittedly all these people are best friends with each other, not with me, but I think if I lurk around them long enough they will grow to tolerate me:

TOP FIVE BEST FRIENDS

1. Georgia and Jas from the Georgia Nicholson books by Louise Rennison

Without Georgia and her hairy little pally there would be no Ace Gang. They are the ultimate in best pallyness (even if for Georgia it is more like having a dog than a friend).

2. The boy and the penguin in Lost and Found by Oliver Jeffers

Oh god. Don't get me started on these two. I'll be snivelling and dribbling all over the place!

Actually I am not sure why I'd be dribbling.

3. Greg and Rowley from Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney

It may be true that these two became best friends only because Greg's best friend Ben moved away and because Rowley's mum got him a book called 'How to Make Friends in New Places'. And it may be true that for Greg, like Georgia, it is more like having a dog/Ralph Wiggum for a friend. But Greg and Rowley will be friends forever. They have to be really, if the cheese secret is going to stay a secret...

4. Frodo and Sam from The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein

I LOVE Sam. I think I should be allowed to be Rosie Cotton because a) I am very short and b) I LOVE Sam. But I would never be able to compete with the bromance of Sam and Frodo. Also, I might not be too happy at popping out thirteen children (even small hobbitty children). And I would definitely not call one of my children 'Hamfast'.

5. Jamie and Sunya from My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece by Annabel Pitcher

Or should I say Spiderman and Girl, M. This is a beautiful friendship and a lovely book that had me raving like a loon last year. Here is my review.

Do comment away with any BFFs I've missed out! And do tune back in on Monday 23rd when Maudie Smith will be visiting on the OPAL MOONBABY blog tour.

GUESTPOST: Matilda: The Musical review by Edward Bankes

2012-01-14T08:42:00.000-08:00

I would like to introduce you to my brother. His name is Edd, he is very intelligent and he once dressed up as a Spice Girl. His claim to fame is that he is the only Bankes to appear on University Challenge, but I have photographic evidence that proves this to be a lie:

(Thank you to my friend Tanya for this photographic evidence). Most importantly, he shares the book geek gene. Growing up in a Roald Dahl house, where you must be suspicious of gloved women and where the ONLY true ending to Little Red Riding Hood is Miss Hood whipping a pistol from her knickers, we were naturally excited and curious to see Matilda: The Musical.

So we saw it. And now Edd is going to whip a pen from his knickers and write you a review. Actually, he says he'll just type it.

Matilda: The Musical, Cambridge Theatre, 7th December 2011

It has shown in the past that it is a dangerous thing to try and alter the creations of Roald Dahl, with good witches saving little boys from mousedom and musical chocolate factories only highlighting the brilliance of Dahl as they pale by comparison. However, this is not a trap fallen into by Dennis Kelly and Tim Minchin, who, if anything, have made the story of Matilda even better, while sticking loyally to the spirit of swinging pigtails and chocolate cake gorging.

The dialogue is sharp and perfectly timed, and the songs probably the most consistent of any show in the West End. While the plot sticks truly to that of Dahl’s 1988 original, the emendations serve only to celebrate even more successfully the importance of children reading and imagining that Dahl held onto so strongly: Matilda is frequently to be found in the library, where her power as a story teller drives the plot, as a cacophony of hideously wonderful characters surround her.

Kelly’s book is so well judged that it could easily be Dahl, mixing bits of Dahl and his own imagination brilliantly. Tim Minchin’s songs are instantly memorable - weeks later I still find myself absent-mindedly singing the anthemic ‘Revolting Children’. The lyrics are frankly genius, and, when performed, seem entirely in character - a testament to the brilliant partnership between the two writers.

It is of course because of an extremely well-chosen cast, many of whom remain from the original Stratford production, that the show succeeds. Bertie Carvel as Miss Trunchbull naturally stands out and seems to be the perfect embodiment of Dahl’s imagination in the original story, and left me wondering whether only a man in drag could communicate the shock and awe that her presence creates.

However, the rest of the cast are hardly left overshadowed. Lauren Ward as Miss Honey manages to be loveable but there is also, as I feel was lacking in the film adaption, the inescapable fact she is a bit of a loser - it is fitting her first solo is entitled ‘Pathetic’. Her interplay with Trunchbull is hilarious, if not soul crushing. Matilda’s parents, played by Paul Kaye and Josie Walker, are just as grotesque as could be hoped for. Mrs Wormwood, transformed into a bitter mother resenting Matilda taking away her dreams of becoming a star dancer, and her cutting attitude towards everyone she encounters is a joy to watch. Paul Kaye manages to combine a comic performance with moments that are actually extremely sinister when he continually talks down to his daughter. A special mention must go to the less verbose sibling of Matilda, played by Peter Howe. Despite staying true to the sedentary, unresponsive sibling presented by Dahl, the few words he chooses to share with the audience are delivered so perfectly that a single word became enough to render an entire audience struggling to control their laughter.

However, the star of the show thankfully remains the lead, played by four actresses, and on this occasion by Cleo Demetriou. Not wishing to sound dismissive, her greatest achievement in the role is, as a precocious 11 year old playing an even more precocious 5 year old, to not once come across as in anyway annoying. Instead, along with all the children, Demetriou was incredibly likeable, and strange as it is to say, created an entirely believable little girl who is both utterly brilliant yet very normal, despite her magic power.

If at any moment you fear yourself pitying the fate of this little girl, Demetriou quickly drew it back to show off Matilda’s fantastic imagination and ingenuity. Her performance of ‘I’m here’ in particular showed a startling acting ability as she fully communicated the pathos of the song. Incidentally, she has a brilliant singing voice. Her solo performances of ‘Naughty’ and ‘Quiet’ were certainly highlights of the show. Yet it is her comic potential that was most impressive, demonstrating superb comic timing, particularly when telling stories that was able to get across the rich and constant wit of Dennis Kelly’s book.

In short, go see it.

COMPETITIONS: Marcus Sedgwick and National Geographic Kids Magazine

2012-01-14T06:40:00.000-08:00

STUFF for FREE? Oh I don't mind if I do!

I thought I would draw your attention to some exciting competitions over on the rather wonderful Armadillo Magazine.

WIN a SIGNED copy of MIDWINTERBLOOD by MARCUS SEDGWICK

What would you sacrifice for someone you’ve loved forever?

Armadillo Magazine is giving away a SIGNED copy of Marcus Sedgwick's work of hauntingly, brilliantly beautiful Midwinterblood and even entering this comp will be lots of fun - you get to choose your top 7 book characters!

Click here for details.

WIN a free subscription to NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC KIDS magazine!

Did you know… Wombat waste is cube-shaped?

You can arm yourself with such facts about animals and poo by reading National Geographic Kids Magazine. Armadillo is giving away one copy of National Geographic's Weird but True 3 and a FREE subscription for 12 copies of the magazine for one lucky reader.

Click here for details

BOOKS, BONNETS & FULL-FRONTAL BLOGGING AWARDS 2011

2012-01-08T12:45:00.000-08:00

Hello, good afternoon and welcome to 2012!

I thought that I would start this year by revisiting last year. This is partly because change or anything new makes me nervous and partly because last year was flippin' great.

(And partly because I have started the year with a bit of a dodgy haircut and I want to look back to better, slightly more attractive days.)

I was more thrilled than a thrilled person that people actually voted in my survey. I thought I was going to have to force relatives to do it (which would involve explaining that when I tell them 'I'm spending a lot of time writing' I actually mean 'I am spending a lots of time photoshopping kittens' heads onto people's bodies'.)

Anyhoo, without further ado to do, here are the results of the

Books, Bonnets and Full-Frontal Blogging Awards 2011

(Every winner receives an imaginary golden bonnet, which they have to wear for the entire year)

We'll start with a BIG ONE.

*READ OF 2011*

Nominees:

VIII by H.M. Castor

Midwinterblood by Marcus Sedgwick

Swim the Fly by Don Calame

The 10pm Question by Kate de Goldi

The Double Shadow by Sally Gardner

Kill All Enemies by Melvin Burgess
A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness

Bracelet of Bones by Kevin Crossley-Holland

Wreckers by Julie Hearn

Ice Maiden by Sally Prue

My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece by Annabel Pitcher

A Tangle of Magicks by Stephanie Burgis

Clash by Colin Mulhern

Dark Ride by Caroline Green

Envy by Gregg Olsen

Hidden by Miriam Halahmy

And the winner is...

Clash by Colin Mulhern

Clash is the story of two very different boys - quiet and ordinary Kyle, whose talent is art, and Alex, the school psycho, whose talent is cage-fighting. A chain of events sets their lives on a collision course with terrifying consequences. This is a gripping and brutal book that takes you inside the two boys' minds - and you may be surprised at what you see.
Find out more here.

Best leading lady

Nominees:

Billie from Kill All Enemies by Melvin Burgess

Kat from A Tangle of Magicks by Stephanie Burgis

Alix from Hidden by Miriam Halahmy

Solveig from Bracelet of Bones by Kevin Crossley-Holland

Hayley and Taylor (joint) from Envy by Gregg Olsen

(and mentioned in the 'other' category: Frankie from Life, An Exploded Diagram by Mal Peet)

And the winner is...

Alix from Hidden by Miriam Halahmy

Alix is an ordinary fourteen-year-old girl living on quiet Hayling Island. Then something quite extraordinary happens - she and her friend Samir rescue a man from drowning and the man turns out to be an asylum seeker. In a life-changing moment, they decide to help him. Miriam Halahmy said she decided to make her heroine fourteen because it's an age than often gets overlooked and she wanted her characters to prove that 'if you’re fourteen and you are strong, there is no telling what you would be able to do in a crisis'. Alix certainly proves this with her courageous behaviour in challenging both other people's and her own view of asylum seekers. Oh and she's funny, sarcastic and easy to relate to as well.
Find out more here

Best leading man

Nominees:

Henry from VIII by H.M. Castor

>Ezra from The Double Shadow by Sally Gardner

Bob (or, God) from There is No Dog by Meg Rosoff

Jamie from My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece by Annabel Pitcher

Frankie from The 10pm Question by Kate de Goldi

And the winner is...

Henry from VIII by H.M. Castor

Now surely I don't need to introduce this guy. He's that fat one in the silly hat that liked chopping his wives' heads off, isn't he? Well, if you've read VIII you might see him a bit differently. This book takes you through the whole of Henry's life, through his eyes. We see him when he was young, handsome and charming (and rather yummy) and then how power and his demons begin to mould him into a man capable of cruel and tyrannical acts. If you didn't meet Henry last year, make a date with him in 2012.
Here is my date with Henry, and find out here why he's a bit like Elvis

Best couple

Nominees:

Eric & Merle, in all their incarnations, from Midwinterblood by Marcus Segdwick

Bel & Luka from Dark Ride by Caroline Green

Ezra & Amaryllis from The Double Shadow by Sally Gardner

Will Grayson & Tiny Cooper from Will Grayson Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan

Franz & Edrin from The Ice Maiden by Sally Prue

Cassel & Lila from White Cat by Holly Black

And the winner is...

Bel & Luka from Dark Ride by Caroline Green

From the moment a mysterious boy leads her to a disused fairground, Bel wants to know more about him. But it becomes clear that Bel and Luka's unusual, and very touching, relationship will lead to trouble. Why's is unusual? Ah, you'll have to read it to find out! I think this comment from a teen reader (read out at the book's launch) sums it up:
'I did not want it to end. Bel and Luka are two characters you don’t want to let go of when the book ends.'
Find out more here

The Liz Bankes Funny Prize

Nominees:

Swim the Fly by Don Calame (particularly Coop, Ulf and randy Grandpa)

Stitch Head by Guy Bass (particularly THE CREATURE)

Hell's Bells: Samuel Johnson vs the Devil by John Connelly (Particularly Nurd the demon and Mr Merryweather's dwarves)

Animal Tales by Terry Jones (particularly the elephant whose trousers fall off)

Penny Dreadful is a Complete Catastrophe by Joanna Nadin (particularly Cosmo and Barry the cat)

(added through 'other':

The Donut Diaries: Book One by Dermot Milligan, Anthony McGowan and David Tazzyman

Gangsta Granny by David Walliams)

And the winner is...

Penny Dreadful is a Complete Catastrophe by Joanna Nadin

Joanna Nadin is a v v v funny lady. Having built up my fandom through the adventures of Rachel Riley (and her uncle Jesus), I was thrilled to meet Penelope Jones, or 'Penny Dreadful' (which is her dad's idea of a nickname and a joke). She is full of amazing ideas - like the Patented Burglar Trap - but she is also a magnet for disaster, meaning there are often disastrous consequences - like the burglar trap tripping up granny. A trio of tales in each book, with crazy caper-y illustrations and perfect for readers aged 7 and up. And readers aged 25.
Find out more here

Best book becomes film

Nominees:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 2 (or, I LOVE SNAPE)

Breaking Dawn pt 1 (or, lots of scenes of people being angry and/or kissing to music, plus the dangers of a clawed baby)

Okay I know it isn't out yet, but even the trailer for THE HUNGER GAMES looks fabbity fab

The Eagle (of the Ninth) (or, Jamie Bell and an American beardy dude go on a quest with a touch of wrestling - YUM)

Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2: Rodrick Rules

(added through 'other': Hugo)

And the winner is...

Harry Potter

I don't have much to say except 'SNAAAAAAAAAAPE'. And that I may have laughed at Draco's little beard at the end. And that Harry looked like a manchild. And that the entire aging process for Hermione seemed to consist of 'putting a coat on her'. Obviously I still loved it.

Book to scare you silly

Nominees:

The Hunting Ground by Cliff McNish (A is for Alice, who fell down the stairs...)

Envy by Gregg Olsen (you will never see alphabetti spaghetti without shuddering)

The Dead Ways by Christopher Edge (for an incredibly creepy scene involving a little girl in a red coat)

Gravenhunger by Harriet Goodwin (Like The Hunting Ground, will make you scared of houses)

(added through 'other': Crypt by Andrew Hammond)

And the winner is...

The Hunting Ground by Cliff McNish

Here are three things that you will never be able to do again after reading this book:
1. Go to a big, old house without freaking out (especially the East Wing...)
2. Look at old portraits of people without freaking out.
3. Sleep.
The book is about Elliot and Ben, brothers who are forced to move to a crumbling old country manor than there father is restoring. It soon becomes clear that the house is not empty. It is possessed by something evil - something that is hunting them and isn't about to let them escape...
Find out more here.

Book to make you cry

Nominees:

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness

The Heart in the Bottle by Oliver Jeffers

My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece by Annabel Pitcher

FaRther by Grahame Baker-Smith

Being Billy by Phil Earle

(added through 'other': A Beautiful Lie by Irfan Master)

And the winner is...

My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece by Annabel Pitcher

I was out jogging and listening to this book being read by the lovely David Tennant when it got to the bit that made me cry (I won't spoil it for those that haven't read it - those that have may be able to guess!). So suddenly I was running and sobbing, which looks a bit odd to the passer-by. This was one of the stand-out books from last year. It takes you perfectly into ten-year-old Jamie's head as his family falls apart after his sister Rose died in a terrorist attack. The book is not just sad, of course, it's also warm, funny and brilliant. But it does get you in the eyes.
Find out more here

Best picture book

Nominees:

Mrs Muffly's Monster by Sarah Dyer

The Pirates Next Door by Jonny Duddle

Cats Ahoy! by Peter Bentley and Jim Field

Again! by Emily Gravett

A Bit Lost by Chris Haughton

(added through 'other':

You Can't Scare a Princess! by Gillian Rogerson and Sarah McIntyre

The Highway Rat by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler

I Want My Hat Back by Jon Klassen)

And the winner is...

Again! by Emily Gravett

I thought it would be silly to find a silly picture to illustrate this award. So let's just look at Emily Gravett's pictures. Again and again and again - just like Cedric the dragon and his favourite story. (All images (c) Emily Gravett, of course, just in case anyone thinks I am trying to pass myself of as immensely talented).
Find out more here

Best non-fiction

Nominees:

Talk Talk Squawk by Nicola Davies and Neal Layton

Earth: The Life of a Planet by Mike Goldsmith and Mark Garlick

How the World Works by Christiane Dorion and Beverly Young

Philip Ardagh's Book of Kings, Queens, Emperors and Rotten Wart-nosed Commoners

The Magic of Reality by Richard Dawkins and Dave McKean

See Inside Inventions by Alex Frith

(added through 'other':

What on Earth Wallbook of Natural History by Chris Lloyd

Great Stories from British History by Geraldine McCaughrean)

And the winner is...

Philip Ardagh's Book of Kings, Queens, Emperors and Rotten Wart-nosed Commoners

For me history is about being nosy. I want to know all the funny, rude and gruesome details of what people got up to. So this book is right up my historical alley. It is full of trivia about people and the interesting things they did. And you can find out about Queen Elizabeth and the fart.
Find out more here

Full list of winners:

Best leading lady - Alix from Hidden by Miriam Halahmy

Best leading man - Henry from VIII by H.M. Castor

Best couple - Bel and Luka from A Dark Ride by Caroline Green

The Liz Bankes Funny Prize - Penny Dreadful is a Complete Catastrophe by Joanna Nadin

Book to scare you silly - The Hunting Ground by Cliff McNish

Book to make you cry - My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece by Annabel Pitcher

Best picture book - Again! by Emily Gravett

Best non-fiction - Philip Ardagh's Book of Kings, Queens, Emperors and Rotten Wart-nosed Commoners

Read of 2011: Clash by Colin Mulhern

BLOG TOUR: The Dark Days of January

2012-01-07T02:53:00.000-08:00

Welcome friends to the Dark Days of January. Amidst the gloom and slightly apocalyptic weather of this month, there is a book-shaped beacon of excitement. Dark Parties by Sara Grant is an intense and emotional dystopian thriller that you won't be able to put down. You can read my review here and perhaps see why I was most excited to welcome Sara Grant to my blog. When I found out she was going to be writing about literary crushes, I was even more excited. Now she's here, and the excitement has reached epic proportions and I think I'd better go and lie down. So while I do, get ready to feel the book-love...

The Dark Days of January

Literary Crushes
by Sara Grant

When I was a teen, I had a chronology of crushes – Shaun Cassidy, Tom Selleck, Rick Springfield to name only a few of my celebrity crushes. You only have to watch vintage footage of the Beatles or modern-day Justin Bieber concerts with screaming, fainting girls to understand a little something about the power of the crush.

I suppose I’ve never grown out of my crush phase. I don’t have posters of One Direction on my wall or anything, but I do periodically succumb to what I like to call the ‘literary crush’. The literary crush is something a bit more mature and reserved. I don’t (often) scream or faint at book readings. These crushes are about admiring – okay coveting – talent. There are all kinds of literary crushes; here are just a few of mine...

The Classic Crush

Harper Lee for To Kill A Mocking Bird. Probably my all-time favourite book. It’s endured the test of time. It’s a book that lingers with you long after you’ve read the final page. (I also have a bit of an old fashion crush on Atticus Finch. Yeah, influenced by Gregory Peck’s performance in the movie version of the book.)

The I-Wish-I’d-Written-This-Book Crush

A Gathering Light by Jennifer Donnelly, another of my faves......it’s a story within a story. The main character is a writer in waiting and a lover of words. There’s a mystery. It’s jam-packed with so many plots, themes and ideas.....

The Comedic-Envy Crush

Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney. It’s pitch-perfect kid humour. For example, Kinney’s description of the Cheese Touch is hysterical. I think every elementary school had something like that. I laughed out loud when I read Wimpy Kid. Oh, to be that funny.

The Wish-I-Could-Do-That Crush

I’ve seen Marcus Sedgwick speak a few times. He’s smart, funny, organized and effortless. He blends storytelling with writing wisdom, sharing the clever spark behind each book. Oh, and his novels are amazing.

The Controversy Crush

Meg Rosoff and Melvin Burgess for oh-so-many books. They aren’t afraid to tackle taboos and start difficult conversations.

The Originality Crush

Nothing by Janne Teller is disturbing, powerful and thought provoking. It was so distressing at times that I had to put the book down and walk away from the story for a moment. But it is a real ‘meaning of life’ book that is challenging and beautiful. I couldn’t stop thinking about this book. I have never read anything like it.

The Crazy-Genius Crush

John Green writes wonderful young adult books but also has built an amazing online community through vlogging with his brother Hank and creating Nerdfighters.com, “A place where nerds gather and play. We fight to increase awesome and decrease suck.”

The I-Just-Plain-*Heart*-This-Author Crush

I’ve only recently discovered Libba Bray. I read Going Bovine and Beauty Queens last year. The books are wild and imaginative and layered. As soon as I finished them, I wanted to go back and read them again because there was simply too much to appreciate in one reading.

Who’s your literary crush? Come on, you know you’ve got one?

TOP EIGHT: Books to look out for in 2012

2011-12-31T09:04:00.000-08:00

Tidings of cheer and beards to you all, my festive friendies. As there is not much left to do in 2011 but eat, (not that I'm complaining) I thought I'd look impatiently into 2012.

Here are some books that I've either been lucky enough to peep at already or am just silly with excitement about.

Geekhood by Andy Robb

The Court Painter's Apprentice by Richard Knight
Beat the Band by Don Calame

Twelve Minutes to Midnight by Christopher Edge

Dark Parties by Sara Grant
Arabesque by Colin Mulhern

Saving Daisy by Phil Earle

The Phoenix Comic

1. Geekhood by Andy Robb

(Published May 2012, Stripes Publishing)

Archie is a Geek. And he's happy doing geeky things with his friends (who also err on the side of Geektion) - that is until a GIRL walks into The Goblin's Hovel. (Girls don't usually do this sort of thing - or at least Archie thinks so, he doesn't know many.) Goth Girl changes everything. And she's arrived just when other things in Archie's life are changing - he's had to move into a new house with his mum and her boyfriend, Tony the Tosser. Archie starts to think about his life. Does he need to stop playing with goblins and dragons if he's going to get the girl?

This is a funny, heart-delighting and utterly real tale that will have you punching the air at times. It teaches you that we are all geeks in our own ways, whether it's dungeons and dragons, football, books or -ahem- bonnets that gets our geek boat floating. I'll be writing more about it come May, but get ready to embrace your geekhood!

2. The Court Painter's Apprentice by Richard Knight

(Published Jan 2012, Catnip Books)

I've written an in-depth review here, so I will just say that you MUST start your year with this spooky and thrilling historical fable about art and reality. I am finding it hard to stop writing about it. I'll write a little tiny bit more. It is a book that really stays with you and makes you think - in a 'sitting staring out of the window and thinking about art and life and truth and thinking "I wish I was more cleverer" sort of way' - but most of all it's a very very good story.

3. Beat the Band by Don Calame
(Published February 2012, Templar Publishing)

If you've read the FUNNIEST book of last year, Swim the Fly, then you'll already be restitching your sides in preparation for Beat the Band. If you haven't read Swim the Fly then this kitten will stare at you in a disapproving way until you do.

Read it? Good. Swim the Fly documented Matt, Sean and Coop's quest to see a naked girl (it had to be a real, live naked girl. Which is good, because a fake, dead one would have made it a very different book.) It was written from Matt's point of view, as he tried to impress swim-team hottie Kelly West with another unlikely mission - swimming the butterfly for the school. You can see my review here (if you wish).

Matt found a nice girl in the end and in book two has become 'the Whipped One' according to Coop, who now takes over the narration. Coop is the Stifler (or the Inbetweener Jay) of the group - offensive, sex-obsessed and very funny. He was one of my 2011 book boyfriends as you may see here. In this book he's made the new challenge to 'tag as many bases as possible'. But his plan seems to be already in danger when he is paired with loser 'Hot dog Helen' to do a presentation on safe sex. He decides that to get the hot girls the boys need to be rock gods and so he enters them in the Battle of the Bands. No musical talent could be a problem, but Coop's sure he'll come out on top (that's what she said).

And you'll never look at a fortune cookie in the same way again.

4. Twelve Minutes to Midnight by Christopher Edge

(Published 1 Feb 2012, Nosy Crow)

5. Dark Parties by Sara Grant

(Published Jan 2012, Indigo)

This book is a dystopian thriller with friendship, love, family and sacrifice at the core. Or, to put it more succinctly, a 'corker'.

Neva and everyone she knows are shut off from the rest of the world, literally - the government has built a protectosphere over the whole country, keeping immigrants out and everybody else in. The result, and goal, is that everybody begins to look the same and it becomes a place without racial difference. However, this is no peaceful idyll; it is a repressive regime where individuality is not tolerated. Those who try to rebel against the regime are disappearing as if they never existed. Neva keeps a list of 'the missing' and when her grandma is becomes one of them, the list becomes Neva's act of rebellion - she is determined to find the missing or at least to keep them alive by remembering them. Neva and her friends, including boyfriend Ethan, best friend Sanna and Sanna's boyfriend Braydon, subvert the regime with acts of individuality, such as tattooing themselves and graffiting government signs. They also hold 'dark parties', where, unobserved and in complete darkness, anything can happen. The book starts at one of these events, where an encounter with a boy with red shoes changes everything for Neva.

Forbidden love always adds a compelling element and I loved how the personal stories - Neva and Braydon, Neva missing her grandma - are always at the surface, even though the dystopian setting shapes everyone's lives. That is not to say Neva's quest against the regime isn't exciting though - I particularly liked that Neva's job working for her dad gives her access to top secret files (probably because, as a book geek, my secret agent alter-ego would most definitely solve mysteries in a LIBRARY). This also allowed for a nice touch where, because the protectosphere has stopped any new technology being imported, things like i-Pads and smartphones have become things of the past and everything is second-hand and falling apart. For those who like their thrillers less archive-centric, there are also chases, hiding and secret police.

The intense, forbidden romance made edgy by the dystopian setting makes for an unputdownable book. If you read it on a train you may miss your stop.

6. Arabesque by Colin Mulhern

(Published September 2012, Catnip Books)

Arabesque isn't published until September and so I don't know much about it yet, apart from this very teasing teaser on Colin Mulhern's website. And this is his teasing blurb:

"When small-time criminals turn to kidnap and extortion to get them out of a dangerous situation, they think two talented gymnasts are a safe bet. They couldn't be more wrong."

From reading Colin's previous book, Clash, (and interviewing him for Armadillo magazine) I know that Arabesque will be good, and will have those gritty, shocking and psychological elements that made Clash such a gripping read. Clash took you right inside the heads of two teenage boys - one a cage-fighting 'psycho', the other an 'ordinary' type with a secret talent for art - and studied what made them behave in the way they did and not flinching at the less pleasant parts of their lives. It also showed the boys trying to do something - be that drawing or fighting - that gave them an escape from feeling controlled. It looks as though Arabesque might explore these areas of creativity and gritty real life, and I'm sure it will more than live up to its predecessor.

7. Saving Daisy by Phil Earle

(Published Jan 2012, Puffin)

This is also a follow up to a very successful first book (well, to be chronologically strict, it is a prequel). You may have only just recovered from the punch to the gut of your emotions delivered by Phil Earle's debut, Being Billy, when you're about to be knocked down all over again by Daisy. Daisy was the girl Billy met in the first book. She was from a broken background like Billy, a 'lifer' in a care home, and her friendship helped set him on the path to sorting himself out. This book is Daisy's story.

A tragic turn of events leaves Daisy all alone. Unable to see that others have let her down, she blames herself for everything and copes with the pain by cutting herself. She is sent to a care home that also deals with mental health issues, with a key worker, Ade, who is determined to show Daisy that, rather than worthless, she's a 'lucky charm'. The book shows with stark clarity what a slow and painful process it is for someone to heal themselves. But most of all, the characters are so utterly real that they draw you in. I felt like Daisy and Ade were people I knew. Even characters like Naomi, another care home resident who is difficult, violent and even a bully, have your sympathy, because you know that people like her have been made the way they are because of the things that have happened to them.

I found this book very emotionally affecting and it really made me think. Phil Earle explores mental health, particularly depression and self-harm, in a stark and honest way and with characters so vivid and individual that it never reads like an 'issues' book. The characters drive forward the story and events unfold in the messy and confusing way that they do in real life.

8.The Phoenix Comic
(Published weekly from 7 Jan 2012, David Fickling Books)

Not strictly a book, but I am not a strict person. I CANNOT WAIT for the The Phoenix - weekly comic full of new characters from the creators of The DFC (the David Fickling Comic). Some of the super stories from The DFC were made into graphic novels in the DFC Library series and I wrote a little feature over on Armadillo where I interviewed the writers and artists behind all six books. The characters included Sarah McIntyre's Vern and Lettuce - a bunny and a house-proud sheep who are best friends, Monkey Nuts - the story of a monkey and robot crime-fighting duo - by the Etherington Brothers.

The Etherington Brothers return in The Phoenix with Long Gone Don, a man who's found himself in a strange place where pianos fall from the ceiling and a crow talks to him. Another DFC dude is Neill Cameron, who created Mo-Bot High - a school where everyone has a robot that they control with their mobile phone. He's back with Pirates of Pangaea a strip that combines pirates and dinosaurs in 'an epic tale of cutlass and claw'. He's also writing a feature called 'How to Make Awesome Comics', which I will be reading avidly while I wish I was as cool as a comic book creator.

I am perhaps most excited about the strip Corpse Talk, in which every week a famous dead person from history is brought back to life and interviewed. An interviewer of historical dead people would obviously be my ideal job and, as things like 'science' and 'fact' will probably get in the way of this dream, it will be nice to read about it.

Get yourself over to https://www.thephoenixcomic.co.uk/ if you fancy getting all subscribed and comic-y.

And have a fab last day of 2011 from me, a monkey and two kittens (one of whom looks a bit like a ghost but is actually real).

REVIEW: The Court Painter's Apprentice by Richard Knight

2011-12-31T09:02:00.000-08:00

"Paint what you see, Johann, not what you think you see."

So says the court painter to his apprentice. But Johann possesses more than the power to paint a person's soul...

He can alter it.

A historical supernatural literary arty fairytale.

Now, I know what you're thinking - 'Blimey! That's a lot of literary genres!' - but this book manages to combine the best bits of all of them into one haunting and beautiful story.

If we can skip over that I just used the word 'blimey', I'll get to telling you about this book. It is the story of Johann, a young and talented artist, who is discovered in his parents' inn by the court painter Hugo and his wife Magdalena. Hugo decides to take Johann back to his workshop in Ghent and make him his apprentice.

As Johann begins to learn the techniques of portrait painting, he realises that the act of painting a person gives him a glimpse into the private life behind the public face - perhaps even a glimpse into the soul. He begins to sense that his powers stretch beyond painting the truth of his subjects - through the tiniest alterations he can make them what they ought to be.

The various subjects that Johann paints - the spice merchant's wife, the spoilt prince - have a fable-like quality to them, with literary justice dealt from Johann's brush, but they are also utterly real. The spice merchant's wife's sadness at being childless stares out at you from the book, like a portrait. Richard Knight has done with words what the artists in the book do with paints - capturing a person's thoughts and feelings and giving you a glimpse into their soul. There are real moments of sadness and heart-warming loveliness in the book - the way that Hugo and Magdalena care for Johann like a son, and Johann's own loneliness as he has no friends his age.

The supernatural tone creeps into the book, linked to the mysterious power of the artist, giving it a gothic, Dorian Gray-type feeling, but never jarring with the historical setting. The possibility that Johann can change people with his painting is a fascinating exploration of that uncanny sense when you look at a portrait and realise that your view mirrors that of the artist - you are standing where they were and they shape what you see, but remain invisible (although watch out for the mirror...)

Picture: Jan van Eyck's Arnolfini Portrait (1434) of Italian merchant Giovanni Arnolfini and his wife. van Eyck is referred to in the book and Johann goes to see his paintings. It is this style - at once real life and full of mystery - that the book explores.

The book gets you thinking about these questions of art and reality (or it did for me, anyway - hence the rambling above), but the main thing is that it does this by telling you a very good story.

A stunning work of art.

REVIEW: Twelve Minutes to Midnight by Christopher Edge

2011-12-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

Penelope Tredwell is no ordinary thirteen year old. Writing under the pen name Montgomery Flinch, she has Londoners of 1899 spellbound with her macabre tales of murder and horror, published in her late father's literary magazine, The Penny Dreadful. When she receives a letter from London's infamous asylum, Bedlam, she is drawn into a mystery more chilling and disturbing than has ever appeared in her stories. Every night, at twelve minutes to midnight, the asylum's inmates are waking up and scribbling words everywhere they can. These strange ramblings seem to be visions of the future. At first Penny sees new material for her writing, but she soon realises what is really going on is scarier than fiction...

And scarier even that this kitten.

Christopher Edge is the author of The Dead Ways, which featured on my spooky Halloween blog. The Dead Ways was a pacey, cinematic conspiracy thriller with a generous helping of two of my most fave ingredients: antiquarian bookshops and zombies. Twelve Minutes to Midnight has the same breakneck pace and spookiness, with a Victorian setting. You may know that I am quite partial to the nineteenth century (I WANT TO LIVE THERE) and so I found this very exciting.

I found this book absolutely gripping and loved the combination of Victorian London - with its Dickensian scar-faced villains and possibly-mad beautiful widows - and the supernatural, with the eerie predictions of the asylum inmates. The fragments of sentences, which tell of the great advances and horrific wars of the twentieth century, coming from the minds of the mad sound just that - mad - to Penny in 1899. But to the reader the words have an added weight and it gives the book a creepiness, and also a Dr Who timey wimey feel. Speaking of doctors, I was also reminded of Dr Jekyll, with characters dabbling in forces they don't understand with disastrous consequences.

There's a literary theme running throughout with Penny's authorship of The Penny Dreadful, which puts her in the same league as the late-Victorian greats like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, H.G. Wells and H. Rider Haggard (who all put in an appearance). The literary magazines put writers in contact with their audiences in a way that was wholly new - they could work the great scandals of the day into their stories and published in serial form, with readers 'tuning in' for the next instalment like a soap opera. Of course, being a thirteen-year-old girl with a secret identity, Penny is free from - but also unable to enjoy - the trappings of fame. She employs an amenable, if occasionally drunk, actor, Monty Maples to put in the public appearances and readings expected of a great writer, while Penny remains in the background.

And that brings me to my favourite thing about the book: Penny. She's a feisty teen in a world of crusty old moustachioed men, but she just gets on with it and does what she enjoys - writing (while also being much cleverer than all of the moustaches and also solving mysteries).

Like the readers of The Penny Dreadful, I am eagerly awaiting the next instalment from Penny (Shadows of the Silver Screen).

Book info:

Twelve Minutes to Midnight by Christopher Edge

Published by Nosy Crow, 1 Feb 2012

ISBN: 978-0857630506

Amazon link

TOP FIVE: Book mums

2011-12-17T08:23:00.000-08:00

Top five book mums

It always makes for an awkward conversation when you open the door to a salesperson and they say ‘Is your mum or dad in?’...

Rather than say I’M TWENTY FIVE, I just said ‘no’ and hoped they’d think I was a home-alone child and go away.

But it got me thinking about families. Moving out of home can make you feel a bit like a solitary person, rather than a family member, which can be a bit sad when you’re ill and want your mum to bring you hot Ribena, or when you just think how convenient it would be not to have to feed or dress yourself.

Not that my parents dressed me when I lived with them. It would have been nice, though. A bit like living in Downton Abbey. They could at least have got me a ladies’ maid.

So I thought I’d audition a new family to live with me and look after me.

Families is also a theme in the book my kittens have just reviewed – The 10pm Question. I would utterly love to live with the Parsons family in that book.

Today we’re going to audition the mums.

1. Mrs Weasley

The ULTIMATE mum. The ultimum. I would love to be a Weasley and I would wear my Christmas jumper with pride. The bit in the last book where she gets finally revenge on Bellatrix for killing Fred was one of my all time HP heart surge moments. So if anyone was mean to me I could just say 'I'll set my mum on you'.

2. Mutti from the Georgia Nicholson series

Although I haven't seen the film, I thought this picture summed up the shelf bosom and the tarting around with handsome men quite well. 14-year old Georgia finds her mum horrendously embarrassing, but I think, for an older daughter, Mutti would be quite fun for activities such as sharing a glass or seven of wine and cackling over Jem the builder or Dr Clooney. But would she kill a witch for me? Probably not.

3. Alison Dean from The True Tale of the Monster Billy Dean by David Almond

Billy Dean is brought up in secret and isolated from the world. It's just him and his mum waiting for after-dark visits from his dad. This is because Billy's dad is the local priest who seduced Billy's mum Alison, a young hairdresser who visited him, and he has shut away the evidence of his 'sin'. When Billy's dad stops visiting and disappears Alison brings Billy out into the world - it's a world that has been destroyed by war and the inhabitants look at Billy as a sort of angel. But through it all, as Billy is forced to become a 'medium' for the townsfolk to contact their dead, the one constant figure in the background who never asks anything of Billy is his mum. She never even moans about what an utter creep his dad is, but keeps it to herself. One of those mums whose just a lovely, lovely person.

4. Merle from Midwinterblood by Marcus Sedgwick

Midwinterblood is about Eric and Merle, who meet each other seven times in a story that spans a thousand years. Each time the love between them is different - they are lovers, artist and muse, brother and sister - but the story that really got me (although all the stories will get you - pesky Sedgwick and his pesky characters always making me cry!) was the one where Merle is Eric's mum. This Eric speaks and thinks differently from other children. He was accidentally struck on the head by his father when he was little and his father, unable to cope with what he had done, has left. Merle is left alone with Eric and has to accept that she doesn't understand Eric's mind - 'it's like loving someone from another world'. When Archaelogist Edward visits with his students and gets to know the family it becomes clear just how special Eric is and just how fiercely his mum loves him. YOU WILL CRY.

5. Ma from The 10pm Question by Kate de Goldi

This may seem like an odd choice, given that Frankie's mum and that she cannot leave the house is one of the main sources of Frankie's worries, but this is a book about understanding the different ways in which people's minds work and Frankie's mum, more than all of the rest of his family, understands him. Frankie's head is full of questions and he visits his mum at 10pm every evening to ask them. Each chapter ends with this private ritual between them and so Frankie's story is, for me, underpinned by his relationship with his mum.

TILLY & BILLIE'S BOOK OF THE WEEK: The 10pm Question by Kate de Goldi

2011-12-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

Tilly & Billie’s Book of the Week: The 10pm Question by Kate de Goldi

I’d like you to meet Tilly and Billie. They are my kittens, and they have kindly agreed to review books for me.

This is Tilly, getting stuck into some Austen.

While Billie is reading Boswell’s Life of Johnson.

Now you *may* think they look a bit similar (YOU ARE WRONG), so I will help you out with a few pointers:

Billie has round face, a big bum and looks worried.

Tilly has a pointy face and is insane. (That’s her at the back.)

They are sisters and have a close, if slightly odd, relationship. This weekend I found them both in their basket with Tilly quite forcefully licking Billie’s bum. Billie looked a bit confused, but I think she was too polite to say anything. Billie mostly follows Tilly around (even to the point of falling down the stairs the other day) and if Billie ever gets any attention of her own Tilly puts a stop to it by sitting on her head.

So I think you’ve got to know them now. The book they’ve chosen this week is The 10pm Question by Kate de Goldi.

The 10pm Question is the story of Frankie Parsons and his family, who some would describe as unusual, but I prefer the term funusual. There’s his dad, Uncle Gee, who embarrasses his kids by walking round in only a tshirt. There’s Gordana, Frankie’s big sister, who shouts a lot. There’s his brother Louie, who spends his life on monay making schemes and flirting with girls. And there are three large Aunts. At school Frankie has his best friend Gigs, who he talks to in a made-up Russian language. Soon he also has Sydney, the new girl with dreads who is dragged round various countries to fit in with her mum’s love life. But Frankie worries. He worries about the rash on his chest. About there being enough money to pay for the electricity. And he worries about his mum never leaving the house. Every night at 10pm Frankie goes to her room and asks her questions.

Billie: I thought this was a heartwarming, moving and very funny book about growing up and about the different ways people approach life.

Tilly: I EAT BOOKS

Billie: I really liked the characters – they were eccentric, but very real. I also liked the friendship between Frankie and Sydney. …

Tilly: I LIKED THE CHARACTER WHO DIDN’T WEAR PANTS

Billie: Uncle Gee? I agree. It was really good how the family behaved in a way that might have seemed weird to people outside, but they were happy. Also the way Frankie worried about what people thought of his mum not going outside, but in the end he has to accept her as she is.

I would have thought your favourite character would have been Gordana. She reminded me of you a bit – the way that sometimes you are nice and lick my head, and then you hit me.

Tilly: HISSSSSS

Thank you kittens for those insightful words. You've been brilliant guest-posters, even if you did wander off at times to do more interesting things like chasing your own feet and running into a wall.

Book info:

The 10pm Question by Kate de Goldi

Published by Templar Books

ISBN: 978-1848774667

Amazon link

AWARDS: Eleanor Farjeon's and mine

2011-12-06T01:19:00.000-08:00

The Children's Book Circle Eleanor Farjeon Award 2011 was awarded to the Federation of Children's Book Groups last week in an evening that was inspirational and hilarious (and included the best speech I've ever heard that was found in a bin). Many thankyous to the CBC for organising, as always, a fab event.The evening has inspired me to create my own awards (see below), but first a little bit about this one:

Eleanor Farjeon (1881-1965) was a much-loved children's author, who won the Hans Christian Anderson Award and the Carnegie Medal for The Little Bookroom. The award, inaugurated on her death, 'recognises an outstanding contribution to the world of children’s books by an individual or organisation'. The Federation of Children's Book Groups is a charity runs countless children's book events around the country and supports local book groups. They also organise National Share-a-Story month, National Non-fiction day and founded the Red House Children's Book Award, the only children's book award in which children have the casting vote at every stage. (The shortlist has been announced - am quite glad that, being an adult, I don't have to decide between these!)

Each year the award ceremony features a guest speaker and this year's was the rather legendary Geraldine McCaughrean (have you read The Death-Defying Pepper Roux? DO) She began by apologising for not having written a speech, but we weren't to fear - by a stroke of luck she'd found a pile of papers in a bin and was going to read them instead. The papers proved quite a find, including guidelines on a new schools books series (no sex, pigs or witches), a letter from an adoring fan ('we were told we had to write to a writer. I wanted to write to Anthony Horowitz, but Elijah got him...), a kind enquiry after the health of Patrick Ness from Culture minister Ed Vaizey... and a letter from an elderly writer asking if she really must 'blog to survive'.

(sexy witch pig)

Adam Lancaster, chair of the FCBG, accepted the award and made a speech that is going to cause me to use the word 'stonking' for the first time. It was a stonking speech about the power books have to ignite a spark in the imagination of a young reader. And it made us feel quite heartened that at a time of cuts n' doom n' gloom, there are still people passionate enough about children's reading to spend lots of their free time running children's books events.

So while thinking of all the children's books people that are so utterly wonderful and great, I decided that I would like to honour the characters and stories that have thrilled, scared, saddened and filled me with hilarity this year.

I present:

The Books, Bonnets & Full-frontal Blogging Awards!

(The Bonnets for short)

Click here to cast your votes

(I think that most of the books were published this year, but I realise some of them may not have been - but I read them this year and I cannot go back in time)

If you fancy voting for some of your favourites, that would be most lovely. If nobody votes then I will just get my BRAND NEW KITTENS to choose.

Click here to cast your votes

GUEST POST: The King...and the King by H.M. Castor

2011-11-25T01:57:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering that age-old question:

Which English monarch do you fancy the most?

Sadly a lot of them are ruled out by hair. William the Conqueror, for example, might be up your street if you like people that conquer things, but you would have to put up with his Playmobil head. His son, William Rufus, was apparently a fiery, handsome character, but he and his courtiers liked to shave off the front of their hair and grow the rest down to their waists. Which sounds lovely. Charles II might have had a chance, being all ‘merrie’ and probably a bit of a laugh, but he lived in the time of wigs and so spent a lot of time looking like a spaniel.

My historical crush is this guy:

It hasn’t always been this way. There I was, thinking I’d have to put up with merrie spaniel Charles, when I read VIII by H.M. Castor. Suddenly I was mooning about over Henry (not literally. Although if it would help me be wife no. 7…), putting him in my list of book boyfriends and going on imaginary dates with him.

This fabulous guestpost by H.M. Castoris about Henry’s charismatic side – a side often neglected in portrayals of him – and how she studied another charismatic ‘King’ to get an insight into what Hal (as he is in the book) was like in his younger, funner days.

VIII is one of the books I’ve been raving like a madwoman about this year. It is a gripping psychological portrait that turns a well-known story – the six wives, waiting for a son, breaking from the Rome – on its head by telling it from Henry’s point of view. The tagline, ‘Think you know Henry VIII?’, is an apt one because you end the book with a wholly different view of Henry from the round, beardy wife-beheader.

Now I will stop wittering and you can enjoy this BRILLIANT post. Maybe at the end you’ll love him tender, too…

The King… and the King

by H.M. Castor

When I was writing VIII I thought hard about charisma. Because Henry VIII had it. In bucketloads. But it’s hard to winkle any evidence out of the portraits of the time.

Nope. I’m not getting it.

Hmm… well, there’s a sense of power here. And that brings an aura with it, certainly. But I’m looking at the face. I’m looking for personal, stand-out-from-the-crowd magnetism. And I’m not getting that. I’m getting something like a determined pudding with a beard.

The written sources, on the other hand, leave you in no doubt. When Henry became king, at the tender age of 17, word spread quickly round Europe that England had the most glamorous ruler in Christendom. He was built like a storybook hero, being over 6ft tall, with the fitness and strength of a martial arts fanatic (which, in fact, is precisely what he was). While he was still heir to the throne, a Spanish ambassador wrote, “There is no finer youth in the world than the Prince of Wales. He is already taller than his father, and his limbs are of gigantic size,” (we’re talking muscular, here, rather than freakish).

But it wasn’t just the physique that impressed. Young King Henry had a beautiful pink-and-white complexion, and his skin glowed prettily through his fine shirt after an athletic game of tennis (I kid you not, this is described by an eyewitness). He was so fair of face he could have made a stunning woman had he not been so manly and, to top it all, he had an “extraordinary and almost divine character”. So said Lord Mountjoy in a private letter to an illustrious friend of his, one Erasmus. Mountjoy added of the young monarch, “what a hero he now shows himself”.

Yes, I know they had to say nice things about the king. But this kind of breathless admiration – even amongst people used to dishing out the flattery – was unusual. Men and women alike clearly found Henry pretty entrancing. We’re definitely talking charisma. In – as I mentioned – bucketloads.

As a culture, we’re fairly familiar with the idea of Henry as paranoid, volatile and (is it fair to say?) not much of a laugh. I’m thinking of Jonathan Rhys Meyers in The Tudors, here, but many other (more rotund and less good-looking) variations on this theme have hit our screens over the years.

However, in seeing Henry this way we’re seeing his personality only as it was from his late thirties onwards. And because he became king at 17, he enjoyed twenty years of kinging before that stage. Twenty very important years. Twenty charismatic years.

What did the Henry of that early period look like? What was it like to be around him? What did – specifically – his charisma look like? In order to write VIII, I had to find out. And so I looked around for contemporary, or near-contemporary, comparisons.

Consider, for a moment, the fact that Henry smiled. This is more important than you might think. We don’t have any record of what he looked like when he smiled but, you know, it’s not outside the bounds of possibility that his smile was something like this (left).

Wow, that has serious wattage.

Now, consider that Henry liked to have fun – despite Rhys Meyers et al, we know this to be true. Unlike his father, who personally & meticulously went through and initialled all the account books, Henry didn’t like to spend time on government business or paperwork. He hated writing letters, even. What he liked, most particularly, was to hang out with a gang of sports-mad, game-for-a-laugh blokes – his gang of mates – who had a tendency to treat him so familiarly, so much as one of the lads, that Cardinal Wolsey eventually made official moves to restrain them.

Henry’s gang were the blokes with whom he jousted (the extreme sport of the day), played music, gambled, went hunting and shooting, and – yes – messed about. He loved to get the whole team dressed up in disguise and play flirtatious tricks on the ladies of the court (including his wife). In winter he wasn’t above a good hard game of snowballs… we know this because in the young Earl of Devon’s financial accounts for 1519 (when Henry was 27 and had been king for 10 yrs), there is the following entry: “25 Jan. To a lad at Charleton, for lending his cap to my lord when the King and his lords threw snowballs, 4d.”.

Considering all this, I began thinking about Elvis… Elvis permanently had a gang of male friends round him. He loved practical jokes. He would have funfairs opened in the middle of the night, just for him and his friends.

I got hold of a biography of Elvis – a fantastic, two-volume biography by Peter Guralnick (Last Train to Memphis and Careless Love, published by Abacus). I saw more and more intriguing parallels in the stories of these two young men from very different times and cultures who had both been thrust into the limelight, given enormous power, and had both become the focus of almost unimaginable levels of adulation. For both of them, moreover, their success and the accompanying isolation had a psychological fall-out with which they manifestly struggled to cope.

Guralnick’s sympathetic and moving biography reveals Elvis as a shy boy, who becomes an emotional, sentimental, and in many ways vulnerable & needy young man. Sometimes he covered his fears with boastfulness and, even as a young star, could be controlling: “you didn’t just say no to Elvis Presley… the boy was very persuasive and very determined and very accustomed to getting his own way.”

In reporting the comments of one of Elvis’s gang of male friends, Guralnick describes a manipulative tendency in Elvis which echoes the suspicious games Henry played at his faction-ridden court: “Elvis promoted conflict just to keep himself amused. He’d ostracize one of them for weeks at a time over an imagined slight, he’d fantasize that “there was a Judas among us… and he’d play one of us against another. This always happened when he heard that one of the guys had said something about him.””

Those around Elvis had to get used to his moods – learn when to horse around with him and when to tread carefully. Girlfriends were treated with great courtesy, but had to toe a strictly demarcated line to avoid provoking Elvis’s jealousy; Guralnicks says of a girlfriend, “she learned to keep her mouth shut …whenever anyone else was around, she saw the others subjected to the same whims and flashes of temperament, and she learned that “there were definitely rules. You had to play by the rules. The more you knew, the longer you lasted.””

He was a young man who embodied power – and who also happened to be very good-looking and talented. Never alone, he was surrounded by people who laughed at his jokes, tried to anticipate his every whim and who vied to be noticed by him. To be close to him was the ultimate opportunity to gain power, money, influence, glory and fame.

I’m talking about Henry now, but… well, I hope you see my point.

In becoming king at 17, Henry became the closest thing there was to a god on earth (at the time it was believed that being anointed with holy oil at the coronation ceremony infused the monarch with God’s grace – his very flesh became, in that sense, divine). Given that he was already thought an unusually handsome and charismatic youth, the addition of this ultimate power and celebrity of kingship had an effect that is perhaps hard to imagine.

Hard… but maybe not altogether impossible. Take, I beg you, a moment to watch this (to me quite extraordinary) clip from Elvis’s 1968 comeback TV show and try him out, in your mind, as Henry:

www.hmcastor.com

Twitter: @HMCastor

BLOG TOUR: Double Shadows

2011-11-15T22:23:00.000-08:00

Double Shadows: The Sally Gardner blog tour

I am most ridiculously excited to welcome Sally Gardner to my blog. I reviewed The Double Shadow here and as you can see I'm a big old enthusiastic FAN. I am DOUBLEy thrilled, because this post is about my favourite character, Ezra. Although perhaps I should be slightly embarrassed, as I recently made Ezra one of my imaginary book boyfriends, not expecting him to show up right here on my blog. Time for me to quietly back out of the room and hide my photoshopped 'me&Ezra' wedding pictures and time for Sally to begin! (Ooh and don't miss the book trailer at the bottom of the page!)

DOUBLE SHADOWS: The path taken by Ezra

When asked to pick my favourite character from The Double Shadow, you might expect me to pick my herione, Amaryllis. But I think my heart lies with Ezra. He’s a very gentle soul, you can see what his life would have been if Amaryllis hadn’t scooped him up – he would have been happy as a countryside mechanic and lived a much less extraordinary life – I like the fact that a door opened for him at the time he doesn’t want it opened and in that one event his whole life is changed.

His kindness and bravery are constant – he never emotionally changes, but internally he has a great change as his loathing of Amaryllis turns to a love which runs very deep within him. It is a moving story. I think that in every character there is the possibility of the other path not taken.

I never believe in heroes being all bad or all good, characters could always go either way – Ezra is given several chances to turn away from the memory machine of the story, but he never takes them. I don’t think he’s supersonically handsome but he’s a striking man. He’s not frightened of emotions. Having lived with his traumatised father (who suffers from Shell Shock; an after effect of The Great War) he’s very used to double personalities. The love of his mother (another of my favourite characters) is what gives him his strength to always carry on: the women were holding Britain together at that time, between the wars . I believe they still do.

Sally Gardner, 2011

Bookety book trailer:

GUEST POST: S****! by Sally Prue

2011-11-07T01:02:00.000-08:00

My, my - do I have a treat for you today. Today's guestblogger is Sally Prue, author of the Truthsayer trilogy and the Tales of the Tribe series that began with Cold Tom and continued with one of my favourite books this year: Ice Maiden. (It's a story mostly about love, but also featuring a fearsome tribe of elves, and is sad, funny and beautifully written - just so you know.)

Sally also has a blog - the Word Den, where I like to lurk on a daily basis learning things. Every day it has a different word every day to use/avoid/rave over or rant about. This weekend I have learnt the origin of the word bonfire, found a new book to read and decided never to listen to a ukase.

Sally is going to share her thoughts on swearing in books. This is Sugar! by Sally Prue (you knew the word with the asterixes was sugar didn't you? Good. Just checking you're not FILTHY minded.)

Sugar!

OH my WORD!

as my friend Sarah says when things go wrong.

Well, as she says when things go wrong during lessons, anyway. Saying what she really means at school is completely banned, obviously.

It always has been, of course. I think I used to say flipping heck when teachers were listening (this was, obviously, way back). The Mayor of London still lets fly with the occasional cripes! at times of high emotion, which must surely originally have been a school usage.

Not-being-able-to-say-what-you-really-mean is a real problem in fiction, too, and particularly in children’s fiction. Any writer worth his salt will, obviously, be putting his characters through every kind of agony known to man, and, hopefully, a few so far entirely undreamed-of ones, too: but if you’re a children’s writer it’s doubtful whether any of your characters, however appalled they are at their best friend’s tendency to snog boys who are Clearly Already Taken, will be at liberty to tell the little **** to get the **** out of here; or even to express the considered opinion that they are ******** *****es who should just **** off before they get a **** shoved up their ****s.

So, what can a writer do?

Well, the answer to that, as always, is they get it wrong.

That’s the trouble with anything creative, you see. Whatever you do, lots of people won’t like it: and if lots of people do like it, then that’s probably a sign it’s not much good.

Sigh...

But anyway, what have writers done about swearing?

Well, of course what most writers have done through the ages is leave the swearing out altogether. And, yes, it can be done (just about) even nowadays, if you avoid direct speech. Something like: he crouched in the darkest corner of the cellar, massaging his bruised knuckles and swearing miserably.

Other writers, on the other hand, put in so much swearing that it practically doubles the size of the book. Personally I find this gets a bit boring after a while, and from a business point of view swearing will stop some schools and libraries, especially in the USA, buying the book. I came across an online post from an American librarian just now refusing to stock a book because of a single use of the word damn.

Let’s face it, a writer needs all the readers he can get – though of course if you can manage to write something really spectacularly unpleasant then you may well get publicity, and possibly sales, out of that.

If neither of these routes appeals then you can go the ******* blanked-out words route. This can be done either fully or partially. Villains in the eighteenth century tended to be partial blankers, and were often to be discovered saying ‘By G–d!’ or even, shockingly ‘D–mn!’ That sort of thing is still used quite a lot in newspapers.

Personally I think this is the worst of both worlds because it draws attention to itself so horribly. It’s asking the reader to stop and work out a flipping puzzle, for heaven’s sake, while simultaneously reminding him of the gaps between the character, the writer and the reader.

Mind you, being a total blanker creates problems, as well. For a start, what is someone reading out loud supposed to do? I ran into a different difficulty when I tried to use this technique. My editor wouldn’t have it. The kids would assume, she said, that people were saying the very worst words there were.

But they are, I pointed out: but that got me precisely nowhere. I ended up using the fifth fictional swearing option, which is the most fun (even though, of course, some people will scorn you for it) and which involves making up your own swear words.

Yes, yes, I know, you’re despising me already, but creative swearing has a long and distinguished history. I mean, Shakespeare was a compulsive oath-coiner. And thank heavens he was, because without the delights of cream-faced loon and bull’s pizzle illuminating my English Literature classes I might have died from sheer earnestness.

With Shakespeare as an example, it’s no surprise that people have been using fake swearing in children’s fiction more or less from the word go. An early (quite dreadful) example is in Louisa M Alcott’s Jo’s Boys, where a boy with a habit of cursing is encouraged to say thunder turtles. (I must point out in Louisa M Alcott’s defence, though, that it isn’t she who makes up thunder turtles, but a not-too-sophisticated character in her book.)

There are many examples. Anthony Buckeridge’s Jennings uses ozard, which is the opposite of wizard and is based on the Wizard of Oz. Giving us the derivation is a brilliantly convincing trick.

Kids in American books sometimes say shoot! and perhaps American kids do say shoot. But I doubt it.

These swearing-substitutes can work brilliantly – I still have occasional private recourse to the Ewoks’ kvark, and the TV series Red Dwarf’s smeg was a seamless joy. The way I wrote the substitute-swearing which features prominently in MARCH OF THE OWLMEN was to write the whole thing with proper swearing, and then go back and substitute a quite similar word later.

It’s fun putting in small clues as to the meaning of the fake words, too.

I’m still rather proud of soft as goose-grot...

NON-FICTION SPECIAL: Happy Knowlogy Day

2011-11-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

If humans came in as many sizes as dogs, we'd range from 3 to 18 feet tall.

If you are 12 years old on Earth, you'd be 6 on Mars.

Rats can't burp.

95% of the stuff in the universe is invisible.

A star-nosed mole can locate and eat a snack in 230 miliseconds.

I got all of these facts from a book called Weird but True!(3) published by National Geographic Kids (more about those lovely folks later) Now that I've fed your brains...

For those of you who don't know, Knowlogy Day (or National Non-Fiction Day, as is its official title) is the brain-child (that's a weird word - it makes me think of the pinky monstery thing from the teenage mutant hero turtles that lives in a robot's groin) of Adam Lancaster, Federation of Children's Books Chair, school librarian and all round book dude. He is passionate about non-fiction, and all the super authors and illustrators involved, so has founded a day to celebrate it all. So let's get facty!

That's not Adam, by the way, that's the brain-child.

National Non-fiction Day

Find out more about the big day.

NG Kids Magazine

Find out about this fab magazine and how I met an owl.

Top 10 Non-fiction books

My fave knowlogy authors, some of whom have impressive beards.

National Non-fiction Day

The theme this year is sharing information, as Adam says 'there's nothing better than passing on to someone a hilarious or interesting fact and putting a smile on their face.' There is going to be a book of favourite facts collected from young people and authors, as well as lots of events going on in schools, libraries and theatres across the country, which Adam says will include 'Horrible Histories-inspired videos, some shed science experiments, lots of explosions!'

For those of you on the interweb or who are slightly older than the average child (25 maybe?) and so cannot turn up to schools and take part in events without looking a bit weird, there is much to do online. Here are some blogs n' that that I've found:

Blog posts

Bookwitch's review of The Complete Philosophy Files

The Book Zone for Boys with some NNFD reads

Play by the Book's review of The Magic of Reality by Richard Dawkins

Guest post from non-fiction author Tracey Turner on the Library Mice blog

Twitter

@scholasticuk Win a signed copy of SLA Information Book Award winner 'How to Make a Universe with 92 Ingredients'. Just RT by 11.30pm tonight. #sla #nnfd

@scholasticuk Want to win a non-fiction book pack? Tell us a fact that's changed your life. Tag it #factsareawesome #nnfd Closes 10am tomorrow. UK ONLY.

@GdnChildrensBks It's national non-fiction day! What are yr favourite non-fiction reads for kids, current or past? The Usborne Spy's Guidebook for me. #nnfd

NG Kids Magazine

The other week I was lucky enough to meet a meerkat. And an owl. And a man. (The Animal Man, to be precise.) This was at an event for NG Kids Magazine at the National Geographic store in London.I had a lovely time meeting various animals and people and finding out about the magazine, which I know I would have loved as a kid. (And as an adult - I think it is perfectly normal for a grown woman to have an animal poster on her desk.) The magazine is full of weird but true facts about animals and the world in general and features on interesting things, like alligators and the antarctic (not together - they don't just make stuff up). I was very excited to read an interview with Sir David Attenborough and it set me thinking (again) about contacting him to ask if he would like to be my grandad. There are loads of chances for readers to get involved by sending in their own facts and entering competitions to win lots of super prizes. And excellent freebies (this month, glow in the dark stars).

I also got a wonderful goody bag, including some binoculars! As I live next to a railway line, rather than a nice wildlife park or jungle, I haven't been able to use them much yet (except for spying and for looking more closely at people in my house), but hopefully it will inspire me to go into the wilderness and connect with nature. I could be one of those people who is raised by wolves or bears. Although I'd prefer smaller animals, like badgers or voles. OR OTTERS. And I'm probably too old to be 'raised'. I don't know what I'd wear either, as there wouldn't really be anywhere to buy new clothes and washing them in the stream sounds cold. I could ask all the otters to donate some fur and then weave (?) it into a fur dress...

Perhaps I should just stick to getting my nature fix from NG Kids Magazine and spying on people from my window.

Find out more here www.ngkids.co.uk

Top 10 Non-fiction books

1. Horrible Histories by Terry Deary

I've always been ever so slightly OBSESSED with Horrible Histories. In year 4 the Vicious Vikings inspired me to write my homework entirely in runes. (Well, this was partly inspired by the book, and partly inspired by me BEING A LOSER). I was called to see the headmaster to be given a special sticker for effort and afterwards I asked my friend if everyone had said 'wow' when I left the classroom (!). She said 'no'.

I think I was the sort of child Terry Deary would have hated... Anyway! No one needs me to tell them that Horrible Histories is great. The books tell you all the stuff you actually want to know about the past - how people died, what they ate, funny stories about historical people being nutters. I always remember the lists of gruesome punishments for crimes and weird cures for illnesses, like having a bath in urine with a goat to cure a headache (might have made that one up).

And the TV series is most hilarious.

2. The Magic of Reality by Richard Dawkins

Richard Dawkins' recently published book for young readers really emphasises what he is good at: explaining stuff. It is structured into questions, like 'who was the first person really?' and 'what is the sun?' and all those sorts of things that you can freak yourself out by thinking about for too long, like HOW DOES IT WORK WHEN I TYPE STUFF AND IT APPEARS? and WHAT IS EVERYTHING?

As in his adult books, Dawkins uses really good analogies and examples (like in the 'who was the first person?' section he asks you to imagine a line of photographs of your grandfather, great-grandfather, etc etc stretching back like dominoes. If you go back along the line, you'll find a monkey and, further back, a fish, neither of whom look much like you, but who look like the photos either side of them.)

The book is illustrated by Dave McKean, which is always a good thing, and you can read an extract here on the Guardian site.

3. A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

This book will leave you feeling a bit more clever, and smugger, than when you started. It takes you through the history of science, explaining the science and telling about the (mostly odd) people involved. It is funny and brilliant and if you read it you can tell people you know a little bit of everything. Bill Bryson has also written a version for younger readers, A Really Short History of Nearly Everything

4. The Ologies, published by Templar

I know dragons aren't real! (Although sometimes I get confused, like with unicorns and Sherlock Holmes). So the Ologies aren't really non-fiction, but they are great, and set out in a factish way, so I am including them. Dragonology by Dugald A. Steer is my favourite - it set out like the scrapbook of Victorian dragonologist Dr Ernest Drake, with sketches, samples of dragon skin and even a library card. My brother was recently working at a primary school and told me that a boy brought in Dragonology for free reading time and lots of other children were crowding round to read it - so it's not just me that likes a bit of Ology!

5. The What on Earth Wallbook of Natural History by Christopher Lloyd

As it says on the Natural History Museum website, this is the 'first ever attempt to illustrate the entire history of nature and natural science on a single piece of paper'. The book unfolds into a 2.3 metre double-sided wallchart, with an illustrated guide to the whole of natural history on one side and information about history of science on the other. It would be good to put in on the wall of your bathroom (as long as you don't splash too much) so that you can absorb natural history facts in a relaxed manner.

6. How Language Works and Stories of English by David Crystal

Great reads for a word geek (and I think fellow word geeks will agree that David Crystal is our King). How Language Works explains the nuts and bolts of language, how we use it, how it changes and covering lots of fascinating examples, such as how politeness travels over language barriers. The Stories of English traces the development of 'standard English' alongside variant forms of the language, such as slangs and dialects, which he sees as unfairly sidelined.

And doesn't he have a good beard?

7. Ask Dr K Fisher about Dinosaurs by Claire Llewellyn ans Kate Shepherd

The Ask Dr K Fisher series sees agony uncle (and bird) Dr K Fisher responding to the problems of the animal kingdom. The books are funny, with lively illustrations and a collage-y look - I think it is always good when there is lots of stuff to find on the page. My favourite is where he goes back in time to help the dinosaurs, partly because dinosaurs are great and partly because one of Dr K Fisher's replies starts 'Dear Toothless Killer...'

8. Philip Ardagh's Books of Kings, Queens, Emperors and Warty-nosed Commoners

Philip Ardagh's historical trivia book collects facts and anecdotes from across the whole of history with, as you might expect, a great deal of humour. There's a particularly good story about Queen Elizabeth I and a fart that for some reason is in a massive font on the amazon page for this book, which can be embarassing if you open it while pretending to be doing proper serious work.

And doesn't he have a good beard?

9. Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams

As you have probably worked out, I like books by funny people. And you don't get much funnier than Douglas Adams. This is the story of his trip, along with Mark Cawardine, to try and find animals on the brink of extinction. It is laugh-out-loud funny and will change the way you think about the environment. And it's also 20 years old, so it is interesting (and a bit sad) to look up which of the animals are still around. Alongside that the book makes me sad that Douglas Adams isn't around anymore, because reading it is like getting to know him and you realise he was pretty damn great!

10. Poo: A Natural History of the Unmentionable by Nicola Davies

Zoologist and former Really Wild Show presenter Nicola Davies has written some brilliant books about animals. I used this one to illustrate my point (and because the word 'poo' is funny). Her new book is Talk Talk Squawk, which is all about animal communication. There is also Just the Right Size: Why Big Animals are Big and Little Animals are Little and all three are humorously illustrated by Neal Layton.